


FACE

by N3k00Ch4n



Category: Clarence (Cartoon)
Genre: 80's, Alternate Universe - High School, Car Accidents, F/M, Facial reconstruction, Nightmares, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Schoolboys, Teen Romance, Teenagers
Language: Español
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2018-11-15 01:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11219982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N3k00Ch4n/pseuds/N3k00Ch4n
Summary: Note: Ok Guys! It's my first time writing a Clarence Fanfic.It's an adaption from a British-Jamaican Novel called "FACE" from the Jamaican Writer Benjamin Zephaniah…I decide to re-write the novel in Clarence Version.I Think it's looks great…I don't know u_u I Hope you like it! :)Warning: Contains Clarence x OC Couple, Medicine language, Alternative Universe (High School Period and 80's time of course xD) and a bit of BullyingGenre: Romance, Friendship, Drama, Hurt/Comfort.Probably I put some of the Cartoon Show Characters and Novel Characters too!Well…Let's get start it! xD





	1. The Gang of Three

The last minutes of the last lesson of the last day of term were tricking away, and Clarence could not wait to be set free. The minutes dragged on as Mr Lincoln, the formal tutor, lectured the class on using holiday time constructively, not giving the school a bad name staying safe.

-Remember all that we talked about in Drug Awareness Week-He said-And don't go giving your parents a nervous breakdown-

Clarence raised his hand to get the teacher's attention. He had his "Up to no good" look on his face and everyone in the class knew it. –Sir, have you got any advice on Holiday sex?-

The whole class burst into uncontrollable laughter and Clarence stood up, turned and bowed to the class like an actor takes a bow at the theatre.

-QUIET-Mr Lincoln shouted at the top of his voice-Sit down, Clarence, and take that grin off your face-

Mr Lincoln surveyed the class as if it were his domain –While you are out there having fun, take time to consider the fact that next term will be your last in this year-He said-So now you have time to should seriously begin to consider what type of employment or further education you will be seeking. I suggest that you don't waste this holiday period. Talk to your parents, read up on your option and remember there is no reason why you can't use some of the time for study-

-STUDY!-Came a cry from someone back.

-Yes, Study.

Now it was Jeff's turn –Sir, I thought that holidays were for holiday's? If we have to think about work and school stuff in the holidays, then it's note a holiday, is it?-

-That's right-Sumo added-Holidays are not for working, Holidays are for not working-

-Education never ceases-Mr Lincoln replied as the electronic bell rang out all around the school. There was no "Goodbye Sirs", just a mad rush from everyone to grab their belongings and escape as if there were some emergency. Even Mr Lincoln seemed relieved that school was over for a while. But as each member of his class raced past him, he looked lonely and neglected, slowly packing his books into his old leather briefcase.

* * *

Outside the school, crowds gathered. Meetings, raves and parties were planned. Pupils split into their various groups and gangs. Sometimes at the end of school day, fights would happened, but not today –Today it was cool- Even the Big 6 Posse, the most respected and feared school gang in the whole of Aberdale, were celebrating, practicing dance moves and wishing "Peace and Luv" to everyone in sight.

One of Clarence's best friends was Sumo, but in school Mr Lincoln insisted that Clarence sat in the front row and Sumo at the back. Even so, they still managed to cause trouble and entertain the class. In other lessons they would be in the same class as Jeff, who was the laid back third member of the gang. They called themselves "The Gang of Three". Together you could feel them planning the defeat of order.

In truth the Gang of Three was just a name they called themselves; to others they were simply known as Clarence and his Mates –Jeff the quiet one and Sumo the silly one- But the three did have a reputation for mischief making and playing tricks.

Almost every page of Clarence's school reports said that he could do better but that he needed to pay more attention. Clarence saw the school as somewhere he went because he had to do by law, so the least he could do while he was there was to have some fun.

The three also had a reputation for chasing girls, Sumo and Jeff were free and single and Clarence was going out with Sophie **_(Author: My OC)_**. But that didn't stop the three of them from admiring the scenery.

What they called the scenery were the cars and the girls. Fast cars or cars that sounded fast were greeted with a collective "Corrr" and girls were greeted with "Hey", "Look at her", "Come 'ere" and the occasional whistle. Sumo and Jeff never found a girlfriend this way buy they still insisted on using this tactic. On this particular afternoon Sumo's eye was caught by Chelsea from year 11. She was now 16 years old, and a bit taller than him.

Sumo whistled to her and shouted so that everyone could hear –Come 'ere, Chelsea baby, and give us a kiss goodbye.

She walked straight up to him and looked down on him and said –I'm here boy, let's do it.

Sumo was shocked.

-OK, You start it-he spluttered

-What, do you want me to start without you?

Laugther burst out as spectators gathered around, all waiting to see the action. Chelsea stood towering above Sumo like a gladiator. Sumo got himself into more trouble every time he spoke.

-I tell ya what, close yu eyes and I'll start.

-Close me eyes. What's the matter, boy? Don't you want me to see you? Look, everyone else is watching, I wanna see too!

The laughter got louder and now the crowd, girls and boys, started to shout encouragement.

-Do it, man, and do it good!

-Teach him a lesson, girl!

-Come on, Sumo…show us how it's done.

-Give her one for me.

Even Chelsea cracked a smile when one of her best friends shouted –Don't hurt him, have mercy upon his lips, for he is young and fragile-

-All right-Sumo got serious-Bend down and let's do the business-

As Chelsea bent down towards him, Sumo squeezed his eyes shut, every muscle of his face tensed. Chelsea put her hand under his chin and tilted his face towards the sky, the crowd sounding like supporters at a boxing match. Chelsea stuck out her tounge and unleashed it al over Sumo's forehead. **_(Author: Jajajaja…LOL xD)_**

The crowd roared with laughter. Sumo opened his eyes and shouted –I'll Kill you, Chelsea!- Chelsea ran off laughing and Sumo tried to give chase. As they ran over the playground it was ease to see Sumo was no match for her ability to dodge or her speed. She was a bit tall. He would take a multitude of steps for one of her strides.

That was the kind of thing that made Sumo funny. He was desperate to try and be like Clarence. He loved Clarence confidence and sense of trickery but most of his tricks would brackfire leaving him with egg –or saliva- on his face. Deep down he was a little unhappy about this.

Jeff was quite different. He liked a laugh but he was more cautious than the other two. Jeff could often be heard saying "What if we get caught?" or "I don't think it's a good idea" when the other two were in full swing. When the gang were up to mischief, Clarence and Sumo always complained that Jeff slowed them down. He was continually doing good deeds. Once when they were begin chased by the park kepper for doing high jumps over the tennis nets, Jeff actually stopped to return and old man's hat had blown off his head and was drifting by the wind. The other two stucked by him because he did like a bit of fun –And anyway, they had been the Gang of Three since primary school days-

* * *

Some people thought of Sophie as the fourth member of the Gang but she didn't. Sophie was her own person, and individual who just happened to be going out with this kid who thought he was a clever dick. Many of the girls in school had a lot of respect for Sophie because she would not allow anyone to push her around. She was a bit of judo expert and she had once been used in a hair commercial because of her Mediterranean look and her long black hair. She had been going out with Clarence for five months now, which was the longest Clarence had been out with anyone. Sophie loved Clarence's looks –His eyes, his shot blond hair- She knew that because Clarence had such a cute face, lots of other girls found him good-looking. He had the kind of face many actors and impressionists would dream of, able to mimic almost any person or animal and able to convey any emotion in a second. Sophie knew that he was aware of this gift and always use it to his advantage, but she also knew that looks weren't everything. Her friends thought she was bit mad for going out with him, but she renocked there was an intelligent person under all that front and that maybe one day she would get to him.

Sophie knew just how to deal with Clarence, when he tried to see how far he could go. Just five months ago,Amy who was in Year 9, really fancied Clarence. Clarence played it dangerously by sweet talking both of them at the same time. When Sophie heard about this, she arranged for both of them to confront him together. Clarence couldn't believe it. One dinner time they walked up to him in the playground and demanded that he decide who he really liked. He choose Sophie of course and Amy had hated the two of them ever since. But Sophie didn't leave it at that. Once Amy was out of the way, she made Clarence ask to forgiveness in front of all her friends and demanded that he bought her a Friendship Ring costing no less tan 10 dollars. That was Sophie's way.


	2. The Eastenders

The first days of the holidays passed slowly. It rained a lot and the Gang of three's greatest pleasure was sleeping late. By second week the sun had begun to shine, so Clarence, Sumo and Jeff started looking for action. One some days this meant going over to Wansted Flats, grassland on the edge of the Forest where girls walked and where football was played. It was like a Park with the attitude of a Beach.

Clarence loved the forest. He thought other areas of the East end were concrete jungles, with no space to breathe. The flats were a quick escape to greenery. He knew the area well but the took much of its cultural diversity for granted. At school he learnt how in the 16th century French Protestant refugees called Huguenots settled there, then Germans, Chinese, Vietnamese, Jews and Poles had settled too and the least arrivals were Caribbeans, Africans and Bosnians.

Some things never change; though. Every bank holiday the funfair came to Wanstead Flats. All the girls would head there in their girl gangs with their best summer clothes on and the boy gangs would gather with their tough faces and their egos turned on full.

These year, Sophie decided to visit the fair with a couple of friends from school, leaving de Gang of Three to themselves. She had gone to the fair before with the boys and she had hated it. All they wanted to do was drive bumper cars, try to win money or stand around posing and trying to look cool. Sophie loved the thrill of the rides, which the boys weren't that keen on, so she wasn't going to let them hold back.

* * *

When the Gang of three arrived at the fair early in the evening, it was still bright and busy. The sounds of the fair rang out over the Flats and the strange smells of electricity and Candyfloss lingered in the air. There was a heavier than usual police prescence. It was normal to see a couple of vans in the back streets nearby but tonight there were two vans at the entrance, and extra police on foot.

You could tell that Clarence was about to play a prank. He put on his "Mischevous" face. He raised his eyebrows and rubbed his chin. His nostrils flared as if to send more oxygen to his brain, then he smiled.

-You two wait here, watch me.

Clarence walked over to a police officer and Started to act distressed. He was very convincing –Officer, there's a man over there with a gun!

The policeman reached for his radio –Where, son?

Clarence pointed. –Over there, officer.

The Officer, who was in a state of full alert, turned, only to fin a man pointing a rifle at a coconut shy.

-Hit one coconut and ya get a coconut, hit two and ya get a toy, and if ya hit three ya get a cash prize of a fiver. Can't be bad, good luck, mate-Shouted the vendor on the other side of the counter.

The police officer was furious but relieved. –Come here, you-He shouted to Clarence, who was turned back; Jeff and Sumo cautiously headed in his direction to listen in.

-What da hell do ya think yu doing? Do you wanna spend time in a cell?

-What for?

-What for? How about wasting police time, or giving false information for a start.

Clarence put on his "Reasonable" face –What's the matter? Can't ya tek a joke?

The policeman got angrier and began to point his radio at Clarence's face.

-Listen, son, what you just done is no joke. If I'd got on my radio there could have been up to a hundred officers on this spot within a minut. If you think that's a joke, tell me what's funny about it. Think yourself lucky, lad, I got bigger fish to catch than you tonight. Let me tell ya something, if you ever come my way again I'll nick ya for spitting. I'll lock you up quick, geezer, now move!

Clarence's face was expressionless. He wasn't frightened, in fact he was tempted to laugh to show the other two how in control he was, but he didn't want to upset the officer too much. Jeff look worried and Sumo looked impressed. At this point a small group of onlookers had began to gather and a higher ranking police officer joined his colleague and asked if there was any trouble.

-No, Sarge, just a kid messing around.

Jeff grabbed Clarence by the wrist and pulled him away. –Let's go.

The police officer repeated his warning. –Remember now, if I see your face near me again, make sure you're innocent-

Clarence was proud of his prank, He checked his credibility with Sumo. –That's was cool, wasn't it?

-Wicked, guy, you got guts-Sumo replied

Jeff saw things differently –You're mad, you can't mess with the law, you know you're crazy. That's a copper not a teacher-

Clarence put on his "Victorious" face and proclaimed

–The law is an ass.

* * *

As the Gang ventured further into the fair it became even more apparent that something was not right, Clarence stopped two local boys as they passed –Hey, man, how come there's so many cops out?

-There's been a trouble-One of the boys replied-The Stokie Crew came down and started to pick pockets. A couple of them tried to mess with Big E girls, so a Big E brother pull a knife and Stokie Crew have to run-

-Any Bloodshed?-Sumo enquired.

-Nah, when the Stokie boys see blade, them disappear.

-Later-Clarence ended and the two groups went their ways.

The Big E was the Big E Posse, E meaning East, an alliance of East end gangs. Once all the gangs in the East end fought each other, White Gangs, Black Gangs, Muslim Gangs, Sikh Gangs and Chinese Gangs. But when they were all under attack from gangs like Stokie Crew from Stoke Newington and the South Massive, they were forced to unite to defend Aberdale, their piece of city. When united were left alone no blood was shed.

The gangs still existed on the East side like the Tigers, The Dread Lions and also School gangs like the Bix 6 Posse and the Soul Crew.

Today it seemed that de Stokie Crew had been back sent back but police weren't taking any chances.


	3. Street Life

It was hot Saturday night and Aberdale was alive. Every car stereo was turned to the full, every convertible car was covered and every house that had a fan was burning up electricity. Every fifteen minutes or so sirens could be heard in the distance –And some not so distant-. People took it for granted that whatever was going down had nothing to do with them. All they had to do was get out of the way and stay composed as they did so. Even the police looked relaxed tonight: those that were on the cruise had their windows down, shrtisleeves up and radios blasting out –police radio that is, talk radio-.

* * *

At home Clarence had just finished his bath. He stood in his bedroom looking at himself in the full-length mirror making sure his old green sweatshirt and baseball cap went with the jeans that his mother had just bought him. But he wasn't sure about his trainers. Could he wear a pair of cheap Hi-Tec trainers with his $50 worth of sweatshirt and his $90 worth of jeans? It didn't look right. Then he realized that he didn't have any other trainers anyway. The doorbell rang once, ding-dong, then twice, ding-dong ding-dong, then there was a continuous ding-dong ding-dong, ding-dong. Clarence ran sounding like a herd of elephants.

His mother shouted from the living room, -Clarence, tell ya friend that there's no one here with a hearing problem. One bloody ring is enough…and walk, will ya-

When Clarence opened the door he found Sumo and Jeff trying to keep a straight face. –Why ya ringing the bell so much, man. My parents are watching television, man-

Sumo stopped laughing –What's the problem? That's the way ya ring my bell-

-Yeah but not if yu parents are in.

-Dat's how yu ring it all the time, guy.

-I don't man, I look for ya dad's car first-Clarence said, pointing to the road

-My dad dosen't always drive, yu know, guy. Anyway, ya don't even know my dad's car.

-Course I do.

-What is it, den?

-It's a red truck.

-Look, how many different Trucks there are. What kind of truck?

Jeff interrupted –Forget it, let's go-

Clarence shouted back into the house –Mom, Chad, I'm off out. I'll see ya later-

-Hang on a minute-Clarence's mother forced herself to leave the murder mystery she was watching and made her way to the door-Now you lot, look after yourselves and don't go getting yourselves in trouble. Any problems give us a ring, all right…and Clarence, look after those jeans, they cost a bloody bomb, I should have insured them-

Sumo and Jeff muttered –Yes, Mrs Wendell- holding back laughter

Clarence felt obliged to answer –Yes, Mom, we're safe, don't worry and if there's any problems with my jeans, I'll ring-

-Go on, get out.

* * *

As they approached Sophie's House they walked very slowly, knowing that she would be looking out for them. Clarence promised that he would not call attention to himself or look in but he couldn't help having a peep. He called Sophie's father Sherlock, after Sherlock Holmes, because he always wore tweed and he always had a pipe hanging from his mouth, which never seemed to smoke.

As Clarence looked in, there was Sherlock, reading a newspaper on his puffy chair. His chair placed so that he could watch television and the world outside the window at the same time. It look as if her mother was asleep on the settee and he could not see Sophie. They walked past, stopped at the corner and after a small debate on whether they should or shouldn't, they decided to walk past again. As they walked past this time all three looked at once. Sophie's mother and father were still in position but this time Sophie was there, standing above her father, with a slight flick on her eyes and they were gone.

By the time they reached the other corner Sophie was out of the house and walking down behind them. She was wearing clothes that shone, light green satin trousers and frilly dark green satin blouse with platform shoes that weren't quite platform shoes but platform trainers.

Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she was not wearing a smile. –I told you lot not to look in my house. What if my dad sees you?-

I was Clarence job to reply –We couldn't see ya, and always we were careful-

-You weren't careful, you were all staring into my house as if someone in there owed you money-

-Come on, take it easy, you know I love you-

-Love what? Where are going then?-

Clarence looked at Jeff, Jeff looked at Sumo then all three looked at Sophie and shuggered their shoulders. Sophie raised her voice. –Hope you ain't brought me out here to walk the streets-

-No way, I wouldn't let my girl walk the streets all night. We just wanna gonna walk to kill a bit of time, then we going to a nice club where you will be wined and dinned, man-

-Man, why do you always say "man"?-Said Sophie -If you're a man ,that means I'm a woman and even so, I ain't YOUR woman, I am me-

Sumo tried to lighten the conversation –Yeah, Girl power-

Sophie was abrupt –Shut up, you-

An outsider would have been fooled but none of them took this conversation seriously. They all laughed out loud and began to walk. The walk was a lazy, slow one; there was no breeze, so after 10 minutes on the move the sweat broke out and their clothes began to stick their skin. They stopped first outside Rough Riders Fried Chicken shop on the main street, but no one wanted to eat.

Sumo, Jeff and Clarence spotted four boys from School and headed over to say hello. This was not Sophie's scene at all. She knew that she couldn't afford to look timid, so she lifted her shoulders and held her head high as she stood around listening to the boy's small talk.

* * *

After a couple of minutes she realized that her every move was being watched by a group of three girls and she couldn't help noticing how tough they looked. All three were wearing blue baggy jeans. She was pretty sure they were Americans born and bred but thought that they could find a job working for the Jamaican tourist board, not simply because their dark skin but also because of their had a T-shirt saying "I love Jamaica". Another wore a T-shirt that was the Jamaican flag and the third just had a West Ham football T-Shirt on, but she -like the others- was adorned with yellow, black and green bangles, badges and necklaces. Sophie thought they looked good but dangerous.

Sophie shifted nervously. She didn't know quite where to look but she had to put on a front. The other three girls made no attempt to hide the fact that they were on Sophie's case. They began to whisper to each other and smile as they stared at her. Sophie felt illuminated in her green satins and began to wish she had choosen clothes that they weren't so loud. _What are they grinning at?_ She wondered. _Is it my clothes? My shoes? My hair? Do I look too innocent?_ Suddenly the three girls started to walk towards Sophie. Her heart began to race, the palms of her hands began to sweat. She felt like falling apart but se held herself together.

-You from round here, den?-said the big girl wearing the Jamaican flag

-Yeah.

-What school yu go to, den?

-Aberdale High Middle School.

-Yeah, I wanid ta go there but they wouldn't let me, said I had ta go ta Aberdale Park, said it was nearer. What ya doing here?

The two other girls continued to look her up and down. Sophie expected trouble and in her mind she cursed the boys for bringing her there and for the way they had got lost in their silly conversation about football and cars.

-I'm just hanging around with me boyfriend and his mates.

At this point the girl wearing the West Ham shirt reached into her back pocket. Sophie swallowed hard as the girl pulled out a couple of leaflets, after separating one from the other she handed one to Sophie. –Dat's the place to be, check it out, good vibes, good music. Ya like rap?-

Sophie wanted to kick herself. The girls weren't out for a fight, they wanted to find out if she liked clubbing, They wanted to find out if she was one of them, an Eastender.

-Yeah-Sophie replied, feeling a sense of relief-Yeah, rap's cool, I used to love MC Lucky till he got all serious. Now I'm into The Tribe and stuff like that-

-Me too, I love The Tribe. If yu like The Tribe, you'll like dis place, dis place is great for rape tunes. Try and make it down there if you can, see ya later maybe. It's girls free before 10.

Which that all three turned around and went into Rough Riders Fried Chicken shop.

The Gang of Three were rounding off their conversation behind Sophie. Sophie was still recovering, she began to wonder if she sometimes looked threatening and if she herself had been misjudged by people in the past. For people to be friendly, did they have to have permanent smiles on their faces?

Clarence joined her with the other two following. –Who were they?-

-Who?

-Those black girls you were talking to.

-Me friends.

-I didn't know you had black friends-Clarence spoke in almost a whisper

-I haven't got black friends-She replied firmly-I've just got friends-

Clarence looked around and again in a whisper he said –Hush-

Clarence knew that there was no way he would get away with a racist remark here. The group they had been talking to had ethnic origins that ranged from the Phillippines, to Africa and Bosnia and he was not going to upset any of them.

-Let's make a move-He said.

They walked down Main Street. Main Street was a Street with two personalities. By day it was a shopping area, at night clubbers used its Kebab Houses, Restaurants and Indian Take-Aways. Groups gathered on corners.

As they walked, Clarence tried to guess the smells he came across: Fish and Chips, Curries, Pizza and Kebabs. Not begin a imaginative eater, he got many of them wrong but it was sometimes hard to distinguish smells in places where all seemed to meet. As they passed the various butchers, all of them played dodge the chicken heads. He remembered how Green Street was described as the heart of the Asian community in a school project that he had done on History. He picked out Chinese Shops, African Dress Shops, a Filipino Bookshop, Shops that sold jellied Eels **_(Author: Agh, Gross! Dx)_** , Jamaican breads and Somalian foods. Then he saw a reminder of the sadder side of life in this area. Many of the shops had metal shutters on their windows and doors to protect them from racist attacks. But here racists had even attacked the shutters. Some of the shutters had racist graffiti painted on them and others had scorch marks left after the fire bomb attacks.

At the end of Main Street there was a Massive police station that towered way above the other buildings. Clarence stopped and looked up at it. -"Forest Fortress". I hate this place-

Sophie quizzed him –What do you hate, the place or the people in it?-

-I don't care about the people in it, man. Just look at that building, it's the most uninviting building I've ever seen-

Sumo looked up at the dull red brickwork –It's a cop shop, cop shops ain't supposed to look inviting. It's supposed to be a symbol of Authority-

-You mean state oppression-Clarence replied-The papers said thousands and thousands of pounds been spent on this place…can't they make state oppression or authority look pretty, man?-

Sophie gently slapped Clarence around the back of his head. –What do you know about state oppression stupid?-

Next door to the police station was "Prices Galore". Outside it said **"Amusment Arcade"** but in truth it was just an old Shoe Shop with a couple of gambling machines in it. When Sophie and The Gang of Three arrived it was packed out and not one of the gamblers in there was over 18. Even the girl giving out the change looked underage. Here there was no such thing as silence; the machines in one corner let out a _Hammer Horror_ style howl ever two minutes if no one played it, whilst in another corner a fruit machine shaped like a woman actually spoke. "Play me, Play me, Play me". Together they walked around, watching the games that were being played. When Clarence heard the fruit machine calling _Play Me_ , his eyes lit up with excitement –I'll play you-He exclaimed.

Sophie put herself between him and the machine –NO, cause I know once you get playing we're gonna be stuck here all night…and how much money you got anyway?-

-Ah, don't worry, I got money and I only want one game.

Sumo took a good look at the machine and laughed –He just fancies her-

Jeff agreed. –Yeah, hey, don't be fooled, Clarence, she's only after your money-

Clarence began to search his pockets for change but Sophie wouldn't give him a chance.

-Come on, let's go, I'm not staying here.

Clarence put his "Puzzled" face and asked –What's up?-

-Ok den, you stay, I'm going somewhere else.

Whit that Sophie headed for the door. Clarence raised his eyebrows and turned to follow her. Sumo and Jeff followed him.

* * *

Outside the arcade Sumo took control –Right, Where we going den? We're just wasting time, let's go somewhere good-

-I know-Jeff replied-Let's go to the Unity Club-

Clarence was quick to interrupt –No way, man, that place is for soft kids. Table tennis, pool, tiddlywinks…that's no way to spend your Saturday night-

The Unity Club was a youth club in a church run by a priest. In reality the Unity was not the coolest place to go, but the kids in the area sometimes used it as a meeting place and as somewhere to shelter from the rain.

-Yeah, you're right-Jeff acknowledged-We should go somewhere where there's music-

Clarence's face lit up. –I've got an idea, a good one as usual. Let's go to dis new rave club. It's called Pyscho and it's just on Forest Road-

Sumo was never keen on rave music. –Nah, rave music, boff boff, bang bang, all night and the people are weird-

Jeff agreed. –Yeah, last time I went to one of them raves up, someone tried to sell me drugs every fifteen minutes-

Clarence gave up and turned to Sophie, who was reading the leaflet given to her outside the Rough Riders Fried Chicken shop. –That's it-She said-Let's go there, only three dollars entrance, ladies free before 10.

-What kind of sounds?-Sumo enquired

-Rap-Sophie replied

Clarence put on his "Disgusted" face. –RAP!-He move closed to Sophie, took a corner of the leaflet and read it out loud.

**For the baddest rap music this side of Aberdale, check out**

**DANCEMANIA**

_The East End's premier hip-hop and Rap club_

_Every Saturday Night_

_Djs_ **Loony Left** _and_ **Belinda Bass** _spin the discs at the turntables_

**Rappy Roger** _and_ **Golden Tounge** _verbalise_

_From 9:00 till 01:00 and ladies free before 10_

_Be there_

_385 High Street North_ _, E6_

**Security tight but polite**

**To the east peace lover, to the east.**

He looked at Sophie. –I'm not going there, it's all black music-

Sophie was outraged. –What you on about…nearly all music's black music. What do you know?-

-The place is gonna be full of blacks, they don't like us…OK, some like us but not in their clubs.

-I'm fed up of you, if you don't come with me I'm going there on my own, I got friends there.

Clarence couldn't quite believe what he was hearing but he could tell that she mean it. Sumo tried to make peace. –It's only three dollars each and we all got over three dollars, so let's go. If we don't like it, we'll move on. I reckon it'll be OK-

-Me too-Jeff agreed-Anyway, Clarence, what you got against blacks? No black's ever hurt you-

-I ain't got nothing against blacks, they're just different, they dance different and everything.

Sophie walked away from the group and called Clarence over her. –If you don't like someone just because they're different you got problems. What do ya expect, everyone to be like **you**? Maybe you should have went out with Amy, she dosen't like anyone-

-Do you think that's funny?

-No, I'm not messing, if you keep on like this I won't go out with you anymore. Yu gotta respect people and if you don't wanna go to the rap club don't force yourself but I'm going.

-Ya really serious?

-Yeah.

Clarence got the message loud and clear. As they joined Jeff and Sumo he proclaimed in a mediocre rap style.

_OK, You guys_

_Me and you and the girl I love_

_Are going to the rap club_

Sumo was surprised by his quick change of mind. –Are you OK, mate?-

-Yeah, man, rap's cool.


	4. Dancemania

They arrived at Dancemania with ten minutes to go before ten o'clock. Clarence couldn't help noticing how big the two bouncers were who stood at the door and how they looked like identical twins. The counter staff and the other club goers all looked big too. To his surprise they weren't all black.

At the youth club dances and the raves that he had been to in the past, most of the people were around his age. As these places he was quite well known. But here he was just like anyone else. He felt a sense of adventure, like going into an unknown world.

Sumo and Jeff handed their three dollars each to their leader Clarence and he paid the entrance fees. This gave him a feeling of importance. The woman taking the money just waved Sophie on and they were in. The dance floor was packed with bodies moving to the music. There was no order. This was freestyle with people dancing any way they wanted to. A cloud of tobacco smoke hang just below the ceiling. Clarence thought that the way the lights impacted on the smoke made the place look heavenly.

The four newcomers started into the dance floor, the music was a loud as the raves that they were accustomed to but the outstanding feature with this sound system was the bass. The floor shivered with the bass notes and even though the four had not fully acclimatized yet, they could not stop themselves from nodding their heads and tapping their feet to the beat.

The bass made sure of that, it was unnatural to fight it.

Sophie felt someone gently pull her Ponytail. It was one of the girls from the Rough Riders Fried Chicken shop, the one wearing the Jamaican flag. She had to shout directly to Sophie's ear to be heard. –So ya made it, den?

-Yeah-Not having spoken since begin inside the club Sophie did not realise how easy for words to get lost.

-Pardon?

-I said YEAH!-Sophie Shouted.

-Which one's ya boyfriend, den?

Sophie pointed to Clarence, who by now was nodding frantically to a record by the rapper Freak Froggy Frog.

-Does he likes rap, den?

-He does now-Sophie replied with a smile on her face.

-Come here and meet me home girls.

-Meet your who?-Sophie Shouted

-Me home girls, me crew, me frens.

Sophie signaled the three to follow her and they followed Sophie's new friends to a corner of the club were music was just a couple of decibels lower than on the Dance floor.

The painted brick walls covered with condensations made it look at if even the walls were sweating. This corner was more relaxed, people came here to chill out or cool down when things got too hot. The other two girls that Sophie had met outside the Rough Riders Fried Chicken shop were drinking beer and looking out for people they knew. As the two groups met they greeted each other with a nod. Not a word was spoken until Jeff felt that he had to say something and exercise his tongue.

He leant over to Sophie. –Hey, Sophie, introduce us to your friends, I feel Stupid-

Sophie leaned over to the girl wearing the Jamaican flag. –What's your names?-

She gatered them all together into a tight little circle and they introduced themselves to each other.

The Jamaican flag girl was called Marica. She was the small one, only five foot and a great basketball player. The girl wearing the _I Love Jamaica_ T-shirt had just returned from Jamaica with her parents. This was the reason for all the Jamaican Paraphernallia. Her name was Tina but everyone called her _Teen_. The tallest of the three was called Nasreen which meant Jericho Rose. When she first told Marica and Teen what her name meant they began to call her _Jericho Rose_ and she hated it, so they now called her Naz. Because of her height people always thought she was a basketball player but she hated basketball and was crazy about West Ham United Football Club.

* * *

A couple of attempts were made to strike up some conversation but the volume of the music only allowed a few words to be said at a time. An exchange of ideas or a debate on a theory was very difficult.

For the next couple of records, everyone stood around nooding their heads to the music. Teen let the group and quickly returned with two large cans of beer. She pulled the rings and opened both cans. After taking a sip from one she passed to Marica, then she taking a sip from the other can and passed it to Clarence.

Sophie leaned over to Clarence and shouted over the music –What are you doing? You don't drink-

Clarence smiled and replied back loudly, -This ain't drunking. Two cans between seven people, you can't get drunk on that-

-You can-She insisted

-Don't be silly.

Clarence put the can to his mouth and took a really big gulp before he handed it to Sophie. –Just have a sip, it won't hurt you-

Sophie took a small sip and passed it on to Naz, Naz took a sip and passed it on to Sumo. And so the two cans circulated around the group before ending up empty on the ground. Clarence drank a lot. Sumo tried to look like he had drunk a lot. Jeff drank very little and Sophie had two minute sips. Soon Clarence was really going into the music, and now he was not just watching but admiring some of the dancers on the floor. He notices that Sophie and her friends were happily dancing away as if the had been friends for years.

Clarence couldn't contain himself any longer. He turned his basketball cap backwards and hit the Dance floor. His head was doing fine, on the beat every time. Now he had to get rest of his body to work. He ment which worked –He looked around to make sure no disappointed-. From there he added a sideways step that seemed to work, and he continued with a one, two, three, forward, a one, two, three, left, one, two, three, right trip which meant that he commanded even more space and still no one complained –the fact that he got the room he needed was a sign that he deserved it-. After a minute he realised that he had to do more, it was becoming a bit routine and his hands weren't doing much, so he took all steps and applied the chaos theory, going forward, then left, then backwards, then left, then forward, then right, any way at all. The he put his hands in the air and… _PANIC! No one else has their hands in the air_ , He thought. _Do I look like a raver? I don't want to look like a raver in here._

At this point he noticed a couple of people looking. His hands were still in the air but he didn' want his concerns to be known, so he moved his hands from side to side and whilst he was doing that he lost the rhythm in his feet.

Now he really began to panic. He scream internally, _Oh, no, I look like Cliff Richard, I'm dancing like my parents._ The more he tried to return to his credible steps and find something useful to do with his hands, the more he though he'd lost it. _No, they're looking at me,_ he said to himself. _What can I do with my hands?_

In front of him he saw somebody dancing and adding gymnastics moves to the dance. _That's it,_ Clarence thought, _I can do that._ His feet found the rhythm and he close his beat well. When it hit the went down for the splits and bounced back. It worked, he counted in his head _one, two, three,_ and lounged forward as if he was going to fall on his face and at he last minute he put his hands forward to cushion himself. Now the other gymnastic dancer noticed and came to dance in front of Clarence, copying his moves and falling at his feet. The crowd made space and Clarence realised they were now the central attraction.

The boy went down into the splits position and put both his hands on the floor to his left, then he bounced again, bringing his hands to the right as he came down, then he rolled forward and headed-first on to his feet, and as he landed he was still dancing with his hands on his hips.

The crowd clapped, Clarence looked around and there was Marica, Sophie, Naz and Teen bopping to the beat looking on. –Go on, Clarence, do ya stuff- Came a shout from behind. It was Sumo.

Jeff stood silent, suffering from disbelief.

Clarence dropped into the splits with his hands to he left, then to the right. He then put his hands one to each side and picked himself up. After a little fancy footwork he dropped down again, spun himself around and rolled forward head-first on to his feet.

This was enough to get the crowd going, but then to everyon's astonishment Clarence moonwalked backwards, took two steps and somersaulted. He landed perfectly, finishing in a muscle man pose.

The crowd loved it, they cheered and reached out to touch the two dancers. The two dancers slapped their hands in the air and went their separate ways. It was a friendly competition and not a word has been passed between the two dancers. There was rapturous applause from the crowd and Clarence, now the cool white brother, had earned some respect.

* * *

Sophie and her friends made their way back to their corner. The Gang of three followed after Clarence had received all his congratulations and what he felt like a hundred of pats on his back. Sophie was speechless –less two hours ago he didn't like rap. In the past when she saw him dancing he looked as if he was being forced- now he was the star of the show.

Marica didn't know all this of course. –Hey man, ya didn't say ya boyfriend was a dance champ-

Clarence decided to be honest –I can't dance, I'm just good at gymnastics-

-I've got over a hundred witnesses, you just rocked the house-Marica shouted.

It was Naz and Teen's turn. Clarence couldn't tell who was saying what as a compliments rained down on him.

-Yu bad guy.

-Yeah man, ya wicked.

-De cool ruler.

-Cool and easy does it.

Clarence was on top of the world. Going from a nobody to being the main attraction had done his ego a world of good. His credibility was sealed and Sophie was proud of him.

Jeff looked at his watch. It was now after midnight and he was beginning to felt tired. His was never much of a clubber and even though he was enjoying himself, his eyelids were beginning to feel heavy. He was sitting at a table with Sumo. Clarence was still standing, nodding his head and trying desperately to understand what these rap lyrics meant. The alcohol did not help to make out what all these American rap artistes were saying.

Jeff was beginning to really feel the pressure. The noise and the smoke were getting to him but he didn't want to spoil for the others.

Then he heard a voice from behind. –How ya doing, mate?-

Jeff turned around and look behind him. It was a man who he did not know, with a tattoo on his neck and short blond hair. He was dressed in a brown three-piece suit and first thing that came to Jeff's mind was the heat. _How could he stand it in that suit?_

The man leaned down to Jeff until his lip were almost touching his ear. –I got Es at prices no one can beat if you're into a bit of coke or smack, give me fifteen minutes and I can do ya a bargain-

Jeff looked around him. In the corner the girls were dancing and all smiles, Clarence was into the beats and Sumo was practically asleep. Jeff stood up –Piss off, mate-

-Who ya talkin to?-the pusher replied

-You ya bastard, Piss off-

The pusher put his hand in his pocket and they looked into each other's eyes. Jeff was scared but he had to stand his ground. He thought the pusher could have a knife or even a gun in his pocket –or he could also be calling his bluff-. They stared each other in the eyes for 20 seconds. The pusher was the first one to look away, checking to see if they had been noticed by anyone else. All around them life carried on as normal. –Don't mess with me, schoolboy, cause I don't mess. I cut flesh like you!-He said with a menacing growl.

Jeff still wouldn't back down. –Piss off- the pusher turned away and disappeared onto the crowd.

Jeff stood up. He pushed Sumo, startling him, -Get up, come on-

Then he walked over to Clarence. –Come on, I'm going-

Clarence was confused. –What happening, man?-

Sumo was just as puzzled. –I dunno, I ain't done nothing-

The three went to Sophie, who tried to convince Jeff to stay but he wouldn't. He would only say that _he would tell them later_. Marica, Teen and Naz sensed that something had happened to cause them to act this way but they weren't going to ask questions now.

-Listen-Marica said-we be down here next week so come down if ya can, check some more grooves. Weekdays sometimes we out buy the Rough Riders Fried Chicken shop. Stay cool-

-See ya- and Sophie followed the boys out of the club.


	5. The Crash

Clarence, Sumo, Jeff and Sophie headed down the street in silence for until Sophie opened the debate. –I was enjoying dat, good club dat, What's up with you lot?-

Jeff told them the story of the drug pusher. Clarence remind him of something that he had said earlier. –Well I told ya, there are druggies everywhere-

-Yeah-Jeff replied-But this guy was a creep and I was tired and I wasn't in the mood for geezers like that-

As they continued to walk, Clarence's dance routine became the main topic of conversation. –I wasn't sure of that place at first-Clarence confessed-But it's OK…I'm those into rap beats-

Sophie was pleased with herself. –I knew you'd like it-She said as she linked her arm into Clarence's-I had a great time…I'll be back-

* * *

When they arrive at the top of Sophie's street, Sumo and Jeff waited on the corner while Clarence walked her down a little. He had to make sure she got home safe but he also had to make sure he got his goodnight kiss. At a convenient spot he stopped. He had done this before but he still didn't know what to say, so he said the first thing that came into his head. –Where do ya mom and dad think you are?-

-Well, I told them I was going to the Unity with some friends-She grinned.

Clarence wasted no more time. He reached round the back of her head, pulled her towards him, and kissed her. But it wasn't a real kiss. All he was doing was putting his lips against hers and pushing. There was no tenderness at all.

Sophie tolerated it for a few seconds and then pushed him away. –I told you, you can kiss me if you ask first-

Clarence was panting. He had been holding his breath while kissing, now he was out of breath and overexcited –OK, OK den, gissa kiss-

He kissed her again. This time she took control and put her tongue in his mouth. Clarence started to run his hands through her hair, then up and down her back, and then his hands headed in all directions as if desperately seeking lost flesh.

-Ouch-Clarence shouted down Sophie's throat. Sophie had stamped on his foot. Clarence spoke, even though were still connected at the lips. –What did you do that for?-

-Stop ya from going too far.

Sumo and Jeff were on the corner, observing the ritual whilst trying no to be caught looking. Sophie and Clarence struggled on, but it was too much for Clarence. Soon the tongue went to his head and off his hands again.

-OUCH!-This time it was the other foot.

Sophie pulled away. –I've got to go now. I'll ring ya tomorrow-

Clarence pleaded. –Gissa nother kiss-

-I'll give ya a kiss tomorrow if ya teach me some of them dance moves.

-Yeah, it's a deal, ya got yourself a deal there girl.

He kissed her hand and watched her open her front door and enter before he moved off up the road where he found Sumo and Jeff acting as if they had seen nothing.

* * *

The Gang of Three decided to cut through the 2nd Street in order to get back on to Main Street. It was now one 'o clock and the big boys were out.

The Gang of Three knew this street well. In the 1970's it used to be a good-looking street where people of the high-rise buildings had no entrance doors on either the front back. Like thousands before them, the gang just walked straight through. Clarence glanced at the stairway as he passed and in a split second he noticed the condom packets and glue containers on the steps. As they came out of the rear door space, used needles left by drug addicts lay on the floor. Clarence crushed one under his foot.

Jeff was disgusted -I wouldn't even step on one of them...say if one went through your sole? Could give you AIDS-

As they walked through the centre of the street, they heard a sound of screeching tyres, the sound of a car being raced. It was just a block away and they could smell the burning rubber. The sound moved away from them but then they heard the car turn, and the sound started heading their way. All three stepped on to square paved area in the middle of the road where two of small roads met and where once a bollard had stood. Then out of the dark they saw a set of headlights approaching. The lights were on full beam, so they couldn't see the make of the car or the driver, an it was coming fast and revving hard.

The car went past the three, just missing them, then turned back towards them. Clarence looked up at the high-rise flats and was amazed to find that there were no angry tenants cursing out of their windows. Sumo was fearful and Jeff was just aggravated.

The car pulled up at the side of the concrete island. The smell of the burning tyres entered their nostrils and caused all their eyes to water. The sound of the engines revving up made all three cover their ears for a moment, until the driver let the engine tick over.

A shout came from the car. -Clarence, Sumo!

Clarence bent down to look at the vehicle. He didn't recognise the driver.

-Clarence, man, it's me, Belson.

Clarence looked into the front passenger seat and then saw the face behind the voice. It was Belson, he used to go to Aberdale High School and was a member of the Big 6 gang then. Now he was a member of the Raider's Posse, a gang known for their outlawish activities.

Jeff bent down and looked into the car. -Why you making up so much noise in people's ears?-

The car was a red Ford Escort. The driver, who was unknown to three, looked older than Belson. Belson was always out with older members of the gang and had a reputation for carrying all sorts of weapons.

Belson shouted. -Come on. Let's go riding-

-Nah, we're going home-Clarence replied.

-Come on man, have wheels, will travel-

Jeff would have none of it. -Piss off, will ya-

Belson's voice took on a serious tone as he addressed Jeff. -You take care bout what you say, weakling, don't go uppseting me now-

Belson kept trying to persuade the three to get into the car. Eventually he changed tactics. -All right, ya gotta get to bed, we'll just take ya home-

Clarence began to weaken. -So you'll just give us a lift home-

-Yeah-Belson knew he had cracked him.

Clarence was now working for the other side. -Don't worry, it's just a lift home, we'll be there in five minutes, even less-

Clarence went to the back door of the car and opened it. Jeff was furious. -Are you really going? You're mad, you're bloody off ya head-

Clarence looked towards Sumo. -Come on, man-

Jeff decided that he wasn't hanging around any longer. -OK, Clarence, you go. Sumo, it's make your mind up time. I'm off...but I'm telling ya, I think you lot are mad-

Jeff walked away. Sumo looked towards Clarence, then towards Jeff and then he walked around the car and got in.

Jeff shouted to his two friends in the car. -What kind of friends are you two? I thought we supposed to stick together. What happened with the Gang of Three unity? All it takes is a troublemaker to appear with a car and unity's gone...well I'm gone- He turned and headed home.

Clarence and Sumo were excited. When they had been cars before they had just gone from A to B in orderly manner. Now the car was mounting the pavement, speeding over the speed humps, driving on the wrong side of the road and near missing everything. The driver had taken the car down the road on to the A13, a major road with three lanes on each side, before Clarence realised they were going the wrong way. He had to shout over the engine noise -Belson, man, let's turn back-

Belson didn't care anymore, he was playing with his hands on the dashboard. Clarence tried again. -Belson, let's go back, man. What's your mate's name?-

The driver looked about 20. He had long black hair that went halfway down his back. His upper four front teeth went halfway down his back. His upper four teeth were all gone and he had a scar across his left cheeck, all signs of a violent not so long ago. His face was pale, bloodless white and he smelt like a pub. -My name's Apache, yeah man, no mercy-

When he spoke both Clarence and Sumo could see he was on something. Sumo tried to get more information out of him -How long ya had the wheels?

Belson played on the dashboard even harder. Apache began to laugh, a false laugh. Loudly he said -Twenty minutes, man, I got dis car twenty minutes ago.

Clarence shot forward. -What do ya mean, ya nicked it?

-Look man, this is only a fourteen hundred cc baby. If I was buying one of these it´d be a two thousand. The engine in this thing is just a washing machine engine, I only nicked it because it cause I can't stand the owner-

Both Belson and Apache put on tough guy laughter. Clarence and Sumo looked at each other. Sumo shook his head as if to say no and turned to Belson. -Take us home, just leave us on Main Street. No, never mind, Main Street, leave us here-

The moment he said that Belson called out, -Coppers, there's cops behind us-

The police car was tight and behind them and flashing its headlights to get them to stop. Apache just put his foot down on the accelerator, speeding forward. The police car stayed right behind him. Clarence shouted angrily, -You bastards, STOP!-

Apache was not listening. His plan was to head back to the East Street, the territory he knew best and try to lose the police in the back streets. As he turned off the A13 main road, Clarence saw Belson throw a small package out of the window.

-What's that?-Clarence shouted above the roar of the engine.

-I'll show you in five minutes...when we get rid of these pigs, we'll come back for it-

They were now in a built-up area. The police put on their sirens and flashing lights. Apache and Belson seemed to love the excitement. Clarence and Sumo were terrified. They sped straight through a red traffic light.

Clarence gripped the back of the seat in front of him. –Let us out. You can do what you wanna do but let us out-

Sumo ranted frantically, -You won't get away with it, you'll get caught. I'll tell them everything. You didn't tell us the car was bloody nicked when we got in it-Taking a deep breath, Sumo let out a scream at the top of his voice-STOP THE BLOODY CAR, WILL YA-

Apache and Belson only looked at each other and laughed.

As they approached the junction with Main Street, they could hear more police cars in the distance. The lights were on red and cars were crossing on their way.

Sumo and Clarence shouted. –STOP! STOP!

Belson shouted, -Go for it, man- As they accelerated across the junction, they were hit. The car rolled over once, throwing Belson out of the front window and sending glass flying. It landed on the opposite side of the road, upside down and was immediately smashed into by a post office van. The car rolled over once more and landed on its wheels.

There was a moment of silence as other drivers looked on in shock. The police car in chase arrived. The two officers from the chase car left their vehicle and approached the wreck in the centre of the crossroads. Apache climbed out of the front window and tried to run, straight into the arms of a police officer.

Sumo climbed out of his side window and screamed, -Help, Clarence's in there. My mate's in there.

He limped around to other side of the car and tried to open the door but the door was too damaged and would not open. He tried to pull Clarence out of the window by his arms. Clarence was unconscious. His bloody head just flopped down and Sumo was unable to shift Clarence's dead weight. A police officer grabbed Sumo in a wrist lock and began to lead him away from the car.

Sumo protested. –That's my mate, I'm trying to help my mate.

-We'll deal with him-The officer said ad he put more pressure on his wrist. The pain was such that Sumo was unable to struggle and he was placed in the back of a police car next to Apache.

Apache was rigid with shock. His eyes were fixed straight ahead, he was motionless and emotionless. Blood poured from his ears and the various cuts on his face. Sumo had no words for him.

* * *

Back at the crashed car, two police officers struggled with their bare hands to try and open the car door to free Clarence. Ambulances, more police cars and a fire engine could be heard approaching, their sirens echoing in the night. When they arrived, the police officers ceased their struggle and raced towards the fire engine, knowing that the fire fighters would have cutting equipment. As they did so a loud explosion stopped them in their tracks. Flames licked the interior of the car. The two officers raced back to the car an this time, with all strength they had left in them they dragged Clarence right out of the broken side window. His face was burnt and blackened, his body hung limp and his head rolled lifelessly between their arms. The paramedics laid him on a stretcher, lifted him into an ambulance and rushed him to hospital, whilst the fire fighters used their water hoses to extinguish the fire in the car.

From the back of the police car, Sumo shouted as loud as he could, -That's my mate Clarence. I wanna go with him, we're together-. But nobody listened to him.

As the ambulance sped away, Sumo felt silent, watching it disappear into the distance. Apache groaned, his head fell forward and he vomited onto the floor of the police car. Tears came to Sumo's eyes and he started crying silently.


	6. The Awakening

Clarence began to stir. He woke up slowly. He heard voices close to him. He was still hearing the voices of Sumo, Apache and Belson. There were also the sounds in his brain, buzzing sounds, humming sounds, the sounds of a numbness and dizziness, like a radio in between stations. He kept his eyes closed while he tried to separate the real from the imaginary. Apart from the confusion in his head, he could feel no pain elsewhere on his body -in fact he couldn't even feel his body- He tried to stay calm and attempted to take things step by step. _First my right leg_ , he told himself. He consciously instructed his brain to sent a message to his right leg but there was no movement. _Now, the left leg._ The result was the same. He tried his left arm, then his right arm but there was nothing. For a moment he gave in and tried to listen the conversation taking place around him.

-I told you ages ago, Chad, I don't like this area. I told you...we should have moved long ago. You can't bring kids up around our end without having to watch them every minute of the day. The drugs, the violence, the lack of respect-

It was his mother speaking at his Stepfather.

-You, you and your mates. You don't want to leave because you would miss your mates. Well, where are your mates now? Half of your mates haven't got kids and if they have got them, they don't know where they are most of the time. There's our kid, lying there-

Clarence began to work it all out his mind and cleared. He began to recall the car chase and its last moments when the car overturned. He could remember the first spin of the car like a slow motion replay. He remembered beign trapped upside down after the spin and the noise of being hit by another vehicle, but that was all. Now it began to fall into place. The next question in his mind was, _what was happened to me?_ His mother was still talking at his Stepfather in the room.

She was speaking continuously without a break. Clarence began to feel. He actually had a sensation in his fingertips, he began to feel the movement of blood in his veins. He concentrated hard as he tried to move his fingers. Movement was possible but very limited. He was unable to make a fist. As he became aware of his body, he could at least now feel warmth in his limbs.

* * *

Very slowly, he began to open his eyes. The hospital lights cut it and forced him to close them again. He controlled his eyelids, opening them just enough to let his eyes get used to the idea of light. His eyelids flickered. For a moment he stared at his own eyelashes and as he continued his slow opening, he heard a scream.

-Aaarrrgh, Chad, he's waking up, I saw his eyelids move, Chad, he's waking up.

-OK, Mary. It's all alright-Clarence's Stepfather said in a whisper.

Clarence opened his eyes fully. At first he look straight ahead. He could see clearly but he couldno see much, only the hospital ceiling. He closed his eyes once more; now he started a body check. He moved his toes, he tensed his calf muscles and his thight muscles. He moved his whole left leg no more than quarter of an inch and then his right leg. It was the smallest of movements but all he wanted to know was that he was in control. By now there was more movment in his fingers, and again, a very small movements of his arms satisfied him. He breathed in deeply and his chest rose. Now Clarence openned his eyes again trying as he did so to raise his eyebrows but there was absolutely no feeling there. He tried to smile but he could feel only a hard skin watch he seemed unable to control. He tried to movd his jaw from side to side but the skin seemed inflexible and his jaw wouldn't move.

* * *

At this point Clarence knew that something terrible had happened to his face. His heart pounded hard in his chest. He shifted his eyes to the left and saw his Stepfather standing over at him.

-Are you OK?

Clarence felt that he was using up all his strenght just sending blood around his body and opening his eyes -He certainly didn't have the strength to speak-. But his mind was beginning to work and he did think that _Are you OK?_ Was strange question. He had very little idea of how he really was. His mother came into sight of his right side.

-Clarence, Clarence my baby. We're here, Clarence. We're gonna look after you, it's your mom and Stepfather. We're here-

His mother on one side began to cry uncontrollably, his stepfather on the other side just stared into Clarence's eyes. Clarence blinked, the blink much slower than the thought it was. By the time he had re-focused, his stepfather was on the same side as his mother with his arms around her. He could see the anguish in her crying but he was helpless, unable to move, unable to speak and unable to reach out to her. He gave in. He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the sound of his mother crying above him.


	7. The Reality

Twenty four hours later and Clarence's parents were back sitting on chairs at each side of the bed. They had been home for a sleepless night and the lack of sleeping was beginning to show. His mother had run out of stream and was now as silent as her boyfriend. They both sat looking at Clarence as if there was nothing else in the world.

Clarence had been given a small side room on the Burns Unit of the Aberdale Parkside Hospital, the Hospital where he had been born fifteen years before. He began to wake up and opened his eyes very slowly. This time he could hear no sound in the room. This time he looked around the hospital ceiling with its built-in lights, he didn't need to work out where he was and what had brought him there. He was now more aware of himself and he began to feel the pains from the accident. The whole surface of his body felt hot. This time when he tried to move his feet they moved. His mother stood up and calmly looked down over him.

-Clarence, love, take it easy. Don't try to move too much.

His stepfather left the room. His mother struggled to find more words, looking deep into his eyes.

-Don't worry, love, the doctor will be here soon and she'll explain everything to you. Just lie back and relax-

When his stepfather re-entered the room, he was accompanied by a nurse and doctor. One on each side, they both looked down at him and peered into his eyes before the doctor began to give the nurse instructions.

-Ok, Nurse, let's raise him up.

The nurse began to turn a mechanism at the back of the bed and Clarence's torso was lifted up. The view was different now. He could see straight ahead for the first time. All eyes in the room were still on him.

-Put his arms on top of the blankets-said the doctor, as she reached for Clarence's records hanging at the bottom of the bed.

As the nurse gently took Clarence's arms from underneath the blanket, Clarence looked at her. He wasn't used to strangers moving his limbs around and he wasn't sure if he should be making and effort. The nurse looked Chinese; her eyes were at the same level as his even though she was standing. Clarence looked into her eyes, but she was concentrating on her task.

She folded the blanket back gently as if the blanket had feelings. The task over, she stepped back awaiting new orders. After a quick look at the report, the doctor replaced and then walked over to Clarence.

-Hello, Clarence. This is Nurse Ling and my name is Dr Janet Owens. Now you may want to be left alone for a while-That is completely up to you- but there are some things that we need to talk about. How is your voice?-

Clarence uttered his first words: -All right…I think-The words fell out of his mouth from the back of his throat without any help from his burnt lips.

The doctor continued. –Is it Ok if I have a word with you now?-

-Yes-Again the word fell out of his head.

-Ok, I am sure that by now you realise how serious the accident was. You were really thrown around when the car rolled and you received a few cuts and lot of bruises to your body but luckily no broken bones. You had two cuts which needed stitches, both on the bottom of your leg, your calf, this is were the car door cut into you. The other cuts will heal themselves so long as we keep them clean. There are some lights burns to your hands which should soon heal without treatment-Dr Owens paussed for a moment and surveyed Clarence's face –But your face came out the worst. You have what term deeper partial-thickness burns, sometimes called "Deep dermal burns". At he moment painkillers are holding back the pain but we want to get you off them as soon as we can. In some facts of your face you will feel no pain at all. This is because some of the nerve endings have been severly damaged. You may need some skin grafting. This is where take skin form one part of your body and move it to your face –But we will only do grafts with your blessing-She paused and took a deep breath before continuing-The drugs may be making you feel very strange right now and you have probably lost track of time. Well, it's was early Sunday morning when you had the accident and it's Monday evening now. Have you any questions?-

Clarence didn't reply.

He had been listening intensively and all he could think about was seriousness of his injuries. He could feel his heart racing. He found it hard to believe that he had been unconscious for a whole day.

The doctor continued, -I have two other important things to say to you. Firstly, sooner or later you will see the severity of your burns. You must prepare yourself for this. Don't be too alarmed: remember that over time we can improve things. And secondly, a hospital counsellor will come to visit you soon. He is here to help you in anyway he can. Don't be afraid to speak to him of any subject. He –in fact- we are all here for you if you need us. I'll be seeing you again tomorrow. Then we can talk about your treatment in much more detail-

All Clarence could manage in reply was, -Thank…you- His ears seemed only half awake, sounds and the voices had lost their sharpness and were muffled. For the first time in his life he wanted to cry but he didn't have any tears.

The doctor asked Clarence's Parents if she could speak with them outside and everyone left the room. There was silence. Clarence turned slowly to the right. It took him a long time; it was like viewing the world through a camera lens. The walls were a cream colour and bare. As he looked down and to his side he saw a brown, bedside table with nothing on it and a control with light switches and radio controls. It took him another twenty seconds to turn to his left, only to find another creamy wall with a single towel hanging from a holder. Bold lettering on the towel read "Property of Aberdale Parkside Hospital". The room was small with a chair at each side of his bed. Clarence spent the next few minutes looking as much of the room as his injured body allowed. He began to wonder what were Sumo was. He just could not imagine what had happened to Apache and Belson. He thought of Jeff, he thought of Sophie and then once more he fell asleep.

* * *

When he woke up it was Tuesday morning. His parents were standing together at the side of his bed. He noticed that they were holding hands. He had now seem them hugging _and_ holding hands. He couldn't remember seeing them holding hands before, only in photographs taken when he was a child.

His mother went to the bottom of his bed and wheeled a food trolley towards him. On the tray was a bowl of soup with a straw.

-Here you are, Clarence, a bit of warm soup for you. You need it-

-No-Clarence replied-I don't want any-

-Come on, Clarence-His mother insisted-It will do you good-

Clarence put the straw in the soup bowl and tried to drink. He was aware of every drop as it entered his dry mouth, and slid down his parched throat into his empty stomach. The soup was tasteless. He tried to like it.

After a couple of mouthfuls, he made a gentle protest.

-I can't, mom. Take it away.

Reluctantly, his mother wheeled it away. –Do try some more later, need it to build up your strength-

Nurse Ling and a male nurse entered the room. His mother squeezed his hand gently.

-We have to go now, we'll back later.

Clarence took a deep breath and spoked his first short but full sentence. –Where are you going?-

-The nurse needs to see you now and we have to go some home. We'll back later and we'll bring you some things.

-Don't worry, son-his stepfather said as they left the room. His stepfather had always been a man of few words and in times of grief words were even fewer. He looked dazzed and shell-shocked. He just seemed to be following his girlfriend around, listening to all that she, the doctors and the nurses had to say, only responding when necessary. –See you later, buddy-. He sometimes called Clarence "buddy".

Nurse Ling smiled at Clarence. –Hi, Clarence. Now we have a job to do which means moving you around little. It won't take long. All we have to do is change the bandages on your stitches. Ok?-

-OK-he replied, unsure of what this meant. _Would it be a painful experience or did it just sound painful?_

Together the nurses folded back the blanket and sheets and removed the hospital issue pyjamas that he was wearing. Clarence watched their every move. For the first time he was seeing the damage done to his legs. They were covered with small cuts, scratches and bruises. The bruises varied in colour from red to blue to purple. The two bandages were on the outside of his left calf, one low, and one high. The bloodstains on the white bandages worried Clarence at first but at the bandages were slowly removed by Nurse Ling he relaxed…In event it was quite painless. New bandages were put on, as were new pyjamas, and soon the nurses were on their way out. But Clarence's mind began to work quickly. He had now to seen the injuries on his body. _Why not his face?_

-Nurse-Shouted.

-Yes, Clarence.

-Can I have a mirror?

There was an uneasy pause, while the nurses looked at each other. The male nurse said nothing and Nurse Ling hesitantly replied, -Well, it's not as easy as that-

She headed back towards Clarence and the male nurse let the room. –The hospital has to be very careful about this and we can't just give mirrors out on request. Give me a couple of minutes and I'll see what I can do-She gave him a warm smile and left the room.

Clarence began to prepare himself. He thought that he might have a battle to fight there but he had made up his mind: he wanted to see his face.

* * *

Five minutes later, a man entered the room. He was casually dressed in a shirt and jeans with long black hair which he wore in a ponytail. He looked so cool and relaxed that Clarence thought he was a visiting pop star.

The man smiled. He walked over to Clarence on his bed. –Hi, my name's Alan Green, but just call me Alan-He was softly spoken with a Scottish accent-My official title is Clinical Psychologist but even I don't like that, it makes me sound like someone who does experiments. You just think of me as someone you can talk to if you have any problems. It's completely up to you how you use me. I am no allowed to make a nuisance of myself but on the other hand I am always here when you need me, or I'll try to be-

Clarence was surprised by his confident and upbeat nature; he sounded honest and sincere. Clarence took a deep breath before speaking. –I want a mirror, I want a mirror to see my face-

Alan's voice dropped slightly. –Well, I am sure you know that you have every right to a mirror but I has to be said that it's a little early for that. I would suggest that you give it at least a couple of days. Sometimes it helps to prepare yourself, to get used to the idea-

-I…want…a…mirror…now-Clarence said slowly and precisely.

-Are you sure you don't want to wait until your parents are here?

-No, I just told you, I…want…a mirror…now.

-Have you ever seen someone with facial burns?

-No.

-Have you ever seen anyone who has been badly burnt anywhere on their body?

-No, only in films.

-We all know that the film world and the real world are two different worlds. I love films but they're just films. I need to warn you that when you look in the mirror you may be quite shocked by what you see. Whatever you see will be improved on in time. But Clarence, you must know that you will always have some burns on your face. Your face will never be as it was. This may take some time for you to get used to. When you look in the mirror you are allowed to scream, cry or shout if you want to. Don't be afraid to express yourself…I look in the mirror and scream all the time-

Even in this situation, Clarence tried to smile. He felt himself smile inside but his face just couldn't. Clarence understood what was being said to him but he still felt that he might just be looked in a nightmare. Although he had seen the damage that had been done to his legs, he knew that seeing his face would confirm that this was for real. He felt that he needed to pass that threshold. He was frightened but he didn't want to show his fear. –I Understand- He muttered.

Alan stood up. –Is there anything at all I can do for you now? Is there anything you need?-

-No, just a mirror.

Alan had now lost his smile.

-Remember now, you can ask for me anytime and…If you don't like me…there are other counsellors and staff for you to choose from, I'll check out that mirror for you. Good luck, mate.

For the next fifteen minutes Clarence was left alone. He began to wonder if asking for the mirror was a wise thing to do. His body was beginning to ace, the various scratches and bruises had begun to make themselves known as the painkillers wore off, and Clarence's senses began to sharpen. He then had an idea which had not occurred to him before. He couldn't sense the hardness of the skin on his face but he hadn't yet felt his face with his fingers. He thought about it telling himself it would serve as a kind of preparation for what he was going to see but then he changed his mind. If he was to explore his face with his hands, too much would be left to imagination. The best thing to do was to be brave and face his face head on.

* * *

Soon Nurse Ling and Alan Green re-entered the room. The nurse stood at the end of the bed holding something covered by a towel. Clarence assumed that this was the mirror. Alan came closer down the side of the bed. Although not smiling, he still had that reassuring tone in his voice.

-Well, mate, here we are. I've just had a word with your parents. They are a bit concerned about you wanting a mirror in such a hurry but they did tell me that once you've made up your mind, nothing's going standard procedure anyway. So, here we go. Now, Clarence, remember all that the doctor and I have told you-

Nurse Ling unwrapped the mirror as if it were a precious object. She passed it to Alan making sure that the mirrored side was facing away from Clarence so as not to allow him even passing glance at his reflection. Clarence watched their every move. When Alan had hold of the mirror he had a look at it to test handed it to Clarence, still making sure the mirrored side was pointing down.

-There you go. Sometimes it's best to have a glance, look away and then have a longer look. It's up to you, you're in control.

For a moment Clarence held the mirror against his chest, then he slowly lifted up until he was looking into his own eyes. He suffered a silent shock. His eyes were completely red with only minute bits of white coming through. He focused on his pupils, leaving the rest of his face temporarily out of focus. His pupils looked untouched, unremoved by the chaos around them.

But even when out of focus, he could not help but see the rough unevenness of his skin. Then Clarence focused his eyes on the skin on his face. It was bright red in places, and brown in others. He noticed pinky white bits, which looked like flesh with no skin cover, where he could see veins. His whole face had swollen and changed shape. His right cheek was blistered, his left cheek had swollen…the two halves of his face looked completely different from each other. The contours of his face were jagged. On seeing his lips, which were swollen as if he had been in a fight, his breath left him for a moment. He instinctively shut his eyes, the slowly opened them again. He lifted a hand up to feel his head. Much of the back and sides of his hair had survived but the top front had mostly gone, only small patches were left. Clarence was scared by what he saw but he could not look away.

* * *

Every few seconds different thoughts came into his head. _Is that really me? Why me? Maybe it will fall off and my real face will be underneath._ He began to really stare at his right cheek, checking every millimetre of it. _It looks like a mountain_ , He thought. It was a strange thought but it was the first thing that came into his head. In a flash he remembered flying to Spain for a holiday and looking out at a mountain range with its valleys, its highs, and its lows. Clarence saw his face as miniature version of that wilderness. He put the mirror down on his lap and closed his eyes. Now he started to feel anger. His mind flashed back to Saturday night, not to the crash but to the moment just before he got into the car. He was seeing Belson's evil smile and hearing his voice saying, "Come on, let's go riding" and "Have wheels will travel", and the most painfully, "All right, ya gotta go to bed, we'll just take ya home". That was the line that he tricked Clarence into the car. He heard the lines over and over again in his head.

He opened his eyes, looking at the mirror once more, but this time he spoke as he stared. –So this is me?-

Alan replied, -It's you now but as you've heard, improvements can be made-

Clarence headed Alan the mirror and simply closed his eyes. It was clear signal to Alan and the nurse to leave. Clarence listened to them go and kept his eyes shut. Now the image of his face was fixed in his mind. Then he opened his eyes and as he did so he began to cry uncontrollably. It was as if he had opened and emotional tap. He cried for his old face, He cried for his parents. He cried for Sophie, He cried for Jeff and Sumo, He cried for his stupidity. Then he cried for his new face. He cried so much that his stomach hurt, was out of breath and eyes hurt. He could feel the tears leaving his eyes but he could not feel them running down his cheeks. He put his head under the sheets and cried himself to sleep. For the first time in his life, Clarence cried and made no attempt to stop himself.


	8. The Other pain

The next day Clarence slept late. It was eleven o'clock when he woke up. The anaesthetic, painkillers and the various other drugs had been given still affected him. Even though he was moving, he didn't feel fully awake.

Clarence looked around the room. It had been transformed. It was obvious that his parents had been in earlier. Get well cards hung off string on the walls. On the table there was a photo of his parents, a photo of Sophie and his Walkman cassette player, complete with tapes and headphones. As he looked at the headphones, wondering how he could possibly use them, Dr Owens entered the room with his mother and stepfather following her.

The doctor was the first to speak. –Hello, Clarence-

-Im awake again-, Clarence said as his parents went one side of the bed and the doctor to the other.-I'm not sure how I'm going to get those headphones around my head though-

His mother smiled. –Well, your sense of humor is fine-

Dr Owens went on to explain Clarence that some surgery would be recommended for cosmetic reasons. But that she thought is was best to let the skin heal as much as it could before then.

-From now on-She said-nature should do the best it can-

She then pulled over a chair and sat down looking at Clarence with a matter of fact look on her face. –Clarence, I have just explained to your parents that the skin on your face will never as it was before. I expect your legs and hands to heal up soon, and we'll have your stitches out, but you will have to be patient with your face-

Clarence turned to look at his parents. His mother was struggling to hold back the tears, and her voice trembled as she spoke. –We love you, son. We'll do all we can for you, you know it-

Dr Owens took a deep breath and continued; -I understand that you have known Ryan Sumowzki for a long time-

-Yes-Clarence replied. –Where is he? How bad is he?-

-He was released from this hospital today. He has two broken ribs and a fractured wrist. Now…Graham Fisher.

-Who?

-Graham Fisher.

Clarence's stepfather interrupted, -The driver of the car, son-

-You mean Apache, I don't really know him.

-Well, he was lucky. He got away with a few bruises, but he has been to court and I am informed that he is now in Youth Custody. And Belson?-

-Yeah. I know him- Clarence replied.

Dr Owens paused. –How well?-

-I don't know him that well. He used to go the same school as me. He hangs around the 2nd Street.

Dr Owens lowered her voice. –I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Clarence, but Belson died from his injuries after going through the front windscreen-

Clarence went silent. There was only a small part of him that mourned Belson's passing. He was a person he knew very little, a person who he had never had much respect for. What had stunned Clarence into silence was the realization of how close  _he_ had been to death. He looked at his parents and for the first time in his life he really wanted to hold them and tell them how much he loved them. He looked at his surroundings. He looked at his hands. He was grateful for his existence, but he couldn't find words to express how he felt.

Turning back to his parents, he asked, -Belson's mom and dad, do they know?-

-Do you know his mom and dad, buddy?-His stepfather asked.

-No.

-No one does.

-But Chad, he must have a mom and dad somewhere.

-No one knows, buddy. Don't let it worry you.

Soon Clarence's parents and Dr Owens left, leaving Clarence to take the news he had just received. He spent the next two hours sitting silently listening to his breathing and his heartbeat. The pain mattered very little now. Now he saw himself as lucky, lucky to be alive. He had a very little love for Belson but the could not get his face out of his mind now.  _An what about Belson's parents_ , He thought,  _He must have parents, someone must love him._ Again Clarence began to think at a frantic pace.  _I Should never have got to that club…we should never went through that street...I should never have got in that car…I should have known it was stolen. It's all my fault, I persuaded Sumo to get into that car._ Clarence thought so much that he got a headache, and in his upright position he hung his head and began to fall asleep. Even as he was falling asleep, he was still asking questions.  _Why I didn't go with my instincts and not get in that car?...why didn't I go with Jeff?...why didn't I?_

-Clarence, are you awake?

The interruption seemed to echo around his head. It was Dr Owens with somebody else, a man wearing a black leather jacket and jeans.

-Clarence, can we talk to you?-the doctor continued.

-Yeah, OK-Clarence didn't mean it, but he felt weak and he couldn't say no.

-Clarence, this is Detective Inspector Byrd. He needs to speak to you about the accident. He won't be long. This not an interrogation and I won't be leaving the room. Can you manage that?

-Yes, one can.

-OK-Dr Owens went and stood by the door as if guarding the entrance and DI Byrd sat on the chair next to the bed.

-Now, Clarence, I realise that you have been through a lot over last few days. Soon I am going to have to take a statement from you but for now I just need a couple of answers…OK?

-OK

-How well do you know Graham Fisher, or Apache as he was also known?

-I don't know him. The night of the crash was when I met him

-Did you get on with him?

-I hardly spoke to him, he's a nutter.

-How do you know he was a nutter?

-Just the way he was acting and driving…he wasn't listening to anyone.

-Did he try and sell you anything?

-No.

-Did you see him throw anything out of the car?

Clarence paused; Dr Owens was watching silently, her eyes fixed on Clarence. The detective could sense that he was on to something. His voice hardened and he pushed for more.

-Come on now, Clarence, we know form your medical records that you had been drinking alcohol that night, but we haven't come here because of a little underage drinking. This is a bit more serious than that. Did you see Apache throw anything?-

-NO…NO…I didn't see Apache throw anything…I saw Belson throw something.

-That's better. Where? Can you remember?

-I think it was by the sports centre on Regents Lane-

-On the corner?

-Yes.

-What did you know see him throw?

-I don't know what it was, just a small bag of some kind.

-OK, that's all I need. As I said, I am going to need a statement soon but you must realise that you may find yourself in trouble for accepting a lift in a stolen car. We'll talk about that later date. Take it easy for now-

* * *

Dr Owens and DI Byrd both left. Once again, Clarence was alone. It seemed that life in hospital wend from one extreme to the other. There were moments of intense activity with people all wanting to know, feel and look crammed into his small room, followed by moments of silence which quickly led on to sleep.

DI Byrd's visit had taken his mind off his injuries temporarily, but now he had nothing to distract him.

He raised both his hands for the first time he began to touch his face. He prodded to see how much pressure he could bear. It even  _felt_ like and unexplored wilderness with Miniature Mountains. Not one bit of his face was smooth. The outer skin was hear but he could feel the soft, swollen flesh underneath.

Most of the sensations came though his fingertips. Considering the extent of his injuries, he was still surprised by the fact that his legs, although not burnt, hurt more than his face.

Clarence also had other worries. Ho were his friends going to react to him? He had Sophie and Jeff on his mind. He needed to know more about what had happened to Sumo and wondered what the police were going to do. He had decided that he would take the blame for Sumo getting into trouble. He wondered if he would have to go to court, or worse still if he would end up in a Young Offenders Home.


	9. The Unprepared

For the next couple of days Clarence had regular visits from Dr Owens and his parents. His parents visited him twice a day. With every visit they brought more gifts and personal possessions to decorate his room. He now had a poster of Aberdale football team taped to his wall, and on his table he had a bowl of fruit, a stack of comics and magazines. Moving slowly, he was now getting out of bed and walking around his tiny room, but he would never venture out into the ward; he wasn't ready to meet strangers. Clarence had also started to take solid food and as the swelling of his lips reduced, he began to speak more fluently.

Dr Owens was happy with Clarence's progress, and she told him that it would soon be time for a cosmetic operation, a skin graft. Clarence tried to tell himself that, despite all that had happened, he was still the same person he had been before, but deep down he knew it was going to be hard. He now realised that being an extrovert took a lot of energy.

The two nurses and Clarence were a little more relaxed with each other now. Clarence now knew that the male nurse's name was Dylan Davis and that he supported Newcastle United. Nurse Ling had been born the same hospital she was now working in. She did her training in Central London and went straight to Aberdale Parkside, where she had wanted to work ever since she had been at school. He had spent quite a lot of time talking to Nurse Ling. She couldn't understand why he would want a picture of a football team on his wall and he was just beginning to understand why she only ever spoke of two role models in her life. The only role models she had were her mother and father who had both come to America penniless. They had taught themselves to speak English and made sure that she received the best education possible.

* * *

One morning Nurse Ling explained to Clarence that the time had come for him to have his first bath.

-It will hurt a little the first time, but that's why me and Nurse Davis are here-

Clarence hid his nervousness. –OK, where do we do it?-

-Right here-Nurse Ling replied.-You won't even have to leave your bed-

The nurses left the room and returned twenty minutes later maneuvering a trolley into the room. The trolley had various bottles and towels on the bottom shelf but on the top shelf and most noticeable was a large silver bowl and a large silver jug. Nurse Ling began to pour from the jug into the bowl whilst Nurse Davis told Clarence what has happening.

-In the bowl there is lukewarm water and Nurse Ling is adding a saline solution to it. Saline helps to reduce the risk of infection. What we are going to do next is wet these towels and gently pad them on to your skin. It will sting a little at first but you will soon get used to it-

-Don't worry-Nurse Ling interjected-it sounds worse than this-

-Yes, she's right-, Nurse Davis continued.-Just lie back and think of Aberdale team and it will over before you get to half-time-

Clarence eased his pyjamas off. He was then instructed to lie on his back so that he could see the first applications of the towels and not be fearful or taken by surprise. Clarence felt highly embarrassed by this…he hated being naked in front of the nurses, but his most overwhelming emotion was one of helplessness.

He hated not doing things for himself and he hated lying back and waiting for something to happen to him. He definitely couldn't think of Aberdale Team.

Nurse Ling dipped the small towels into the bowl, squeezed off the excess liquid and dabbed Clarence's skin lightly. She dipped each towel only once and dabbed with the greatest care. Clarence felt a mild burning sensation when the towel first touched his skin but then it cooled quickly. After being cleaned from his toes up to his neck, Clarence turned down to lie face down. Nurse Davis placed a sterilised towel on the pillow and gently eased Clarence's face on to it.

Then his back received the same careful treatment. When the whole of his body was done, Nurse Ling gave the same treatment to his face. But now she was most careful. Every touch was gentle, so gentle that Clarence hardly felt a thing. Just a light tingly sensation that came after the applications. The whole process took half an hour.

* * *

When the nurses had left and Clarence was in his pyjamas again and back in the bed, he began once more to reflect on his situation. The bathing wasn't as painful as he had thought it would be, but his body did feel as if it had undergone a change. He turned his head to the left as far as it would go, and then to the right. He bent his head down as far as it would go and then up and back as far as it would go. He put his left hand in front of his face and slowly made a fist. As his finger tips pushed against his palm, it felt as if the tender skin would crack. Although he didn't have the strength to form a firm fist, he was pleased that he could at least now make a weak one. He then repeated the action with his right hand.

There was a knock on the door. Clarence quickly put his hands down. No one had knocked on the door before. His first thought was that he police had come for the real questioning. He said nothing. The door handle turned slowly and to his surprise Sophie's face appeared at the edge of the door. –Hello, can we come in?-She seemed nervous.

-Yeah, come in. Who's we?

Sophie entered, followed by Sumo and then Jeff. –It's me-

-And me.

Clarence sprang to life. There was much to talk about and he was glad to be speaking to people of his own age, better still his best friends. But atmosphere was tense. It was his friends: they were nervous. Sophie perched on the edge of the bed, and the two boys took the seats.

-So, how's the outside world?-Clarence enquired

-The same-Jeff replied-How come you ain't got a telly-

-I dunno, I haven't really thought about television.

-And radio?-Sophie asked

-I haven't listened to radio either. Have you ever listened to hospital radio? It's bad for your health.

They all laughed at Clarence's joke. Then there was an uncomfortable pause.

-So, you don't even know what's happened to Aberdale team?-Sophie asked.

-No. What's happened?

-Nothing-She smiled-They haven't played-

Clarence noticed that none of the three had looked him in the face while he was looking on them, but the moment his eyes were off them, he could feel them staring. The talk was trivial until Sumo brought up the subject of the press. –Have you seen the Newspaper?-

-No.

-We're in it guy, and it don't look good.

-What does say?-Clarence asked

-It says stuff about the crash-Sumo replied-It says DRUG DEALER KILLED IN CAR CRASH. It named us, made me and you sound like druggies-

-I don't want to say this but I got to-Jeff interrupted-I told you, I said you were mad to get in that car-

Voices started to be raised until Sophie calm everyone down. –Look, newspapers always make things sound bad. Have you got any good music?- Sophie looked towards the Walkman as she asked.

-I haven't really listened to any-Clarence replied-but I'm sure it's just my old stuff. Do me a favour and bring me some rap music in-

Sophie smiled.-No problem-

They had now been in the room for nearly half an hour and no one had said anything about Clarence's face until Clarence himself asked Sumo about his injuries. –So, what happened to you, then?-

Sumo lifted up his black shirt to show that his lower torso was wrapped in a large bandage and his right wrist was bandaged. –A couple of broken ribs and a fractured wrist…I was in the Hospital for a couple of days. What about you, guy?-

-Well, what can I say? No broken bones, no fractures, a few cuts and bruises on my body and I am still here. I'm sorry, Sumo, man, it was all my fault. I shouldn't have told you to get into the car-

-Forget it, man, things happen. How were you to know things would end up like this?

-But, I should have been able to see that those two were nutters and that that car was nicked. It's my fault-Clarence held his head down as he spoke.

* * *

Silence fell in the room. No one knew how to respond. Jeff felt he had to. –It's no one's fault. Are you in a lot of pain?-

-Yeah but I got used to it now. It feels pretty normal after a while-

-Do you know when you'll be out?-Sumo asked.

-No, but I know I'll be out…soon.

Clarence desperately wanted to ask his friends about his face. But he didn't want to sound too serious.

-Do you think you could handle a friend as ugly as me?

There was another uncomfortable silence before Sophie spoke.

-Don't say that, Clarence, you'll soon be better.

-I won't get much better-Clarence replied-So-He continued, looking at Jeff, -is there such a thing as The Gang of Three without me?-

Jeff replied quietly. –As far as I'm concerned you're still my mate-

Sumo quickly changed the conversation and began to ask Clarence how the hospital staff were treating him. But the conversation seemed staged and artificial, and soon it was time for visitors to go. Almost as if planned, Sumo and Jeff left, leaving Sophie alone with Clarence. Sophie stood close to Clarence. Clarence held his hand out to her. She looked at it before gently taking hold of it. She felt the rough jagged skin of his hand an he felt the smooth, silk-like texture of hers. For a moment they looked at each other in silence, Clarence's eyes fixed upon Sophie's but Sophie found it difficult: her eyes shifted to the left, then onto Clarence, then to the right, then back to Clarence.

-Ain't you going to give us a kiss then?-Clarence asked.

Sophie stood expressionless, she didn't speak, and Clarence could see that she had no idea how to reply.

-I'm only joking-Clarence said, letting go of her hand.

-I'd better go now-Sophie said-I'll bring you some rap tapes tomorrow-And she went.

* * *

Clarence was left now knowing what to think. These were his closet friends and they had found it so difficult facing him. He felt like a kind of anger towards them but then he thought of how he would have reacted if he had been in their position. He convinced himself that he would have reacted much better. He also tried to convince himself that he would have kissed Sophie if the roles were reversed but in truth he wasn't sure.

Then, without warning, more negative thoughts flooded into his mind.  _Maybe I deserved this. Maybe this is a punishment from God. Maybe I should have believed in God more. Maybe no one will like me._ Thoughts like this tormented him until he became another voice in his head.  _I shouldn't be the leader of the gang, I have brought pain and unhappiness to my friends and my parents. Maybe I should have died._ He began to shake, he felt like running anywhere to escape from himself. At that point when the voice seemed so loud that he felt his head was going to burst, he pressed the red emergency button by his bed. A nurse he didn't know ran into the room.

-What's the matter?-she said

-I want to see Alan, the Scottish man, the counsellor-Clarence said, speaking quickly-And I want a mirror-

-I'm sorry-she said.-I'm not sure if I can give you a mirror without authorisation. Let me get Mr Green-

The nurse left the room walking as fast as she could without running. When she returned, she was panting as if she had run miles. –Mr Green will be with you in five minutes, Ok?-

-OK-Clarence replied. –I'm all right now. I just want to be left alone until he comes-

-Are you sure you're all right?-said the nurse

-Yes, I'm all right-Clarence shouted-I just wanna see Alan and I just wanna see me-

* * *

In less five minutes Alan arrived. He still seemed to be wearing a smile. –What can I do for you, mate?-he said sitting at Clarence's bedside.

Clarence replied, -I'm just fed up, man. I just had a visit from my friends and my girlfriend and they all acted like they hardly knew me-

Alan's voice became lower but the smile was still there. –This is to be expected, Clarence. The first thing you have to do is to come to terms with the way you are. Once you've done that you have solved many of your problems. As far as your friends are concerned, well, they have to figure out their own problems. They have to come to terms with themselves. The also have think about how see you, and sometimes, Clarence, you may find that you will have to help know how to deal with the situation-

Clarence reached out to take the mirror that Alan was holding in his hand. –Can I kepp this mirror in here?-Clarence asked.

-Are you sure you want to? It may no be such a good idea.

Clarence raised his voice slightly, his tone assertive. –I want to, I know what I want. You said I've got to come with terms with the way I look, so I am. I want to see me, and I want to see me when I like, OK?-

Passing Clarence the mirror Alan said quietly, -All right, just don't torture yourself. You're still the same guy. And remember that I am one member of staff you can get any time. The nurses can even ring me at home, so use me if you need me-

Clarence felt much better after the conversation with Alan. He realised that nothing was solved, but he needed to sound off someone and that was what Alan was there for. Soon Alan was saying goodbye, leaving Clarence to sleep with the mirror leaning against the Fruit Bowl, Clarence had decided that he wanted to see himself when he woke up.


	10. To do or not to do

Every day for the next week Clarence woke up looking at himself. It was an unusual way of doing things. For a while it worried Alan and his parents but Clarence would not let the mirror leave his room. He watched every inched of his face as it healed. He noted that it didn't take very long for the bruises on his legs to disappear. He was fascinated by the stitches on the two larger cuts. He dreaded the day when they would have to be removed but when he asked when they would be, he was told that the stitches would simple dissolve, and so they did. Every day bits of stitches just disappeared until there was nothing left.

Clarence began to move around his small room. He was determined to be independent, and that meant being able to wash himself. And being able to wash himself meant walking out of his room and through the ward to the shower. For his first venture out he chose a Sunday morning when the ward was at its quietest. Whit his towel in hand he stood by the door taking deep breaths. He opened the door slowly, stepped through and turned back to close it. Then he turned to see the ward. Most of people were asleep, some were reading newspapers and a couple just seemed to be looking at Clarence just looked away. Clarence was relieved.  _Of course_ , he thought,  _why should they find me so odd, they are all burns victims themselves, I am on a Burns Unit._ Now it was him doing all the staring. As he walked down the ward he began to look at other people's injuries. A few people didn't look like they had injuries at all but Clarence knew these people probably had burns on their bodies. For Clarence this didn't gave him a second look and by the time he'd reached at the end of the ward he wanted to walk back just for fun of it. Soon Clarence was showering or going for walks on the ward anytime he felt like it Being seen by other people got easier each time.

* * *

Clarence's parents still visited him every day and every couple of days Sophie, Jeff and Sumo would visit. This visit by his friends were the most difficult. Jeff and Sumo always had very little to say; they never spoke about the events surrounding the crash now unless they were quoting newspapers. Although Sophie was polite and helpful, Clarence spent very little time alone with her.

As the days went by Clarence began to feel more at home in his room, the football posters and creature comforts had helped and he was beginning to develop a real appreciation of rap music. Sophie brought him new tapes with every visit and Clarence's headphones were now usually found on his head. The front of his hair was beginning to grow back and with the help of the hospital's visiting barber, he had the rest of his hair cut short so that the new growth would not be so obvious. His face was not really healing but settling down. The extremely red parts and the extremely white parts were trying to find their natural colour but the damage to the contours of his face stayed the same. One of his mother's main concerns had gone: He was now eating anything that was put in front of him.

* * *

On the morning of Clarence's sixteenth day in hospital Dr Owens and Nurse Ling entered the room just as he was finishing his breakfast. Clarence had picked up a new skill. He knew the hospital staff so well that he could tell what mode they were in by the looks on their faces and the way they entered the room. He could tell routine visits from progress reports, or  _how are you doing_ visits from  _We need to talk_ visits. He could see this was a  _We need to talk_ visit. Dr Owens sat on the seat in front of Clarence. Clarence sat up in his bed.

-Hello.

-Hello, Clarence-Dr Owens replied-How are you today?-

-I'm OK, Doctor.

-Clarence, I need to talk to you about where we go from here. As you can see, the injuries to your face are not disappearing but you are feeling less discomfort now, aren't you?

-Yes.

-The swelling around your lips and eyes has gone down considerably and you are beginning to have more control over your facial muscles now.

-That's right-Clarence knew what was coming.

-Well, I think it's time for us to consider a bit of physical reconstruction, or plastic surgery.

-Will you really use plastic?

-No, we never really use plastic and anyway in case physical reconstruction is probably too strong a term. Because you have no problems with your bones and I shall be trying to do is to give your face a smoother look. I think we can get rid of some of those rough edges. Now let me tell you how I plan to do this. I want to use and autograft…That meants a skin graft taken from another part of your body and grafted on to your face-

-Hang on a minute-Clarence interjected-Where will the skin come from?-

-Well, I suggest we take some of one of your thighs. The skin at the top of your thighs is perfectly all right and I only need a small amount. I need to do two grafts, one on your right cheek and one on your forehead.

Clarence was listening carefully to everything she had to say. He knew how important this was and he wanted to make sure that he understood everything. –Will you be doing this operation, then, or someone else?-He asked.

-I'll be doing it. I'll have my team of course but I'll be doing the actual surgery. Now, Clarence, you can say no…after all, this is basically a cosmetic operation. You can decide to do without any surgery at all, because this is about you. You have the ultimate decision what to do or not to do and only you can truly decide what is a presentable face for you.

* * *

There was a long silence before Clarence uttered. –Heavy, man-

Dr Owens stood up. –I will be speaking with your parents soon, so think things over and I'll talk to you later. It may sound heavy but it's just that I want you to take as much control as you can. You are the boss-

Nurse Ling removed Clarence's food trolley and they both left the room, leaving Clarence alone with his thoughts once more. Clarence spent that morning in silence, thinking about what was to come and periodically looking at himself in the mirror. Time passed and at around midday Dr Owens and both his parents entered the room. His stepfather was carrying a Bowl full of grapes, peaches and bananas and his mother carried a vase of flowers.

-Hello, Mom, hello, Chad. Put the fruit on the table and I'll eat the flowers now.

His mother smiled, the doctor raised an eyebrow as in only slightly amused and his stepfather said, -That's very funny- as he put the fruit on the table which was now beginning to look like a fruit stall at a market.

His mother bother passed him the flowers and he barely managed to find space for them on the table.

-So what do you think about the operation, son?-his stepfather asked.-We think it's the best, how about you?-

Clarence paused for a moment. –What can go wrong?-

-The only thing that I'm worried about is infection. There is a slight risk but because it's your own skin, the chances of that are extremely low-said Dr Owens.

Clarence picked up the mirror and looked at himself as he spoke. –When would you do the operation?-

-I can do it any time-Dr Owens replied-but you should have a day or so to get used to the idea-

-Will there be a big difference in the way I look?

-Well, it's hard to say-Dr Owens said while looking into Clarence's face.-The colour of your skin will even out and you should lose some of the roughness, but we can never tell how big the difference will be. There will be an improvement, though-

-OK-Clarence said, -Let's do it-

There was a sigh of relief from his parents and the doctor began to explain the procedure to Clarence. Skin was taken from his right thigh. He would given a general anesthetic which would mean that he wouldn't see or feel a thing until after the operation. Dr Owens also explained that in her opinion he didn't need too much skin grafting and that maybe one operation would do. She told Clarence that some people just keep that they will end up with what they think others think is a normal face. She thought this was an unhealthy attitude.

-Whatever you decide-she said, -This will be a testing time for you-


	11. Patient B503

Two days later, on the day of his operation, Clarence woke early and decided to go for a walk on the ward. Unable to have breakfast before the operation, he walked around watching others having theirs. He was now playing a before an after in his mind. He was trying to look at the other patients without staring and guessing whether those with facial injuries had had operations. Everybody became a before, an after or a don't know. He felt guilty doing this but he wanted to see what could be done by surgery. As he stood looking down the ward, Clarence heard a quiet voice from behind him.

-All right.

Clarence turned to see a boy about his age standing in front of him, with a face so disfigured that he gasped with surprise.

-Wow...I'm sorry-Clarence's awkwardness was obvious and he could not stop staring at the boy's face.

-It''s all right-, the boy replied-I'm used to it. Are you Clarence?-

-Yes...How do you know my name?-Clarence's eyes wandered all around the boy's face. He now realised how his friends must have felt when they first saw him.

-Miss Ling told me about you, said you were a Aberdale Team Supporter-

-Yeah, I am, are you?

-I'm not really a supporter, I've never seen them play, only on telly, but I like them. So what happened to you?

This took Clarence by complete surprise. It was the first time he had ever been asked the question and he was being asked by someone who he saw as worse off than himself. Clarence didn't know how much to tell. He wondered if he should he say how he got in the crash. In the end he said, -I was in a car crash...the car caught fire-

-Gosh-The boy replied-How long have you been here?-

-Just over two weeks...I'm having an operation today. How long have you been here?

-Well...I was born like this...well, not like this...but I was born with severe facial disfigurements. I've been here in six times and I had eight operations. I could stay on one of the other wards if I wanted but I like staying on this one. All nurses here know me and I like them. They're cool. I had an operation a couple of days ago and I'm going home today-

Clarence couldn't believe what he was hearing. He admired the boy's confidence. -What's your name?-

-Anthony, Where's your room?

-Down there-Clarence pointed-Do you wanna see it?-

-Yeah.

* * *

As they walked down to Clarence's room, Anthony greeted most of the people in the ward, or they shouted hello to him. He seemed to know really everybody and Clarence could see that he was well liked. Clarence showed Anthony his many videogames books. Through the headphones he introduced him to his favourite rap tunes, and he ended up by showing him photos of his mom and stepfather. Amongst the photos was a picture of himself with Sophie.

-It's that your stepsister?-Anthony asked

-No man, that's my girl.

-What, your Girlfriend?

-Yeah, man.

-What's her name?

-Sophie.

-She's not bad, guy. Is she sticking by you?

-What do you mean?-Clarence asked, puzzled.

-Is she still going to hang out with you when you get out? Some girls don't, you know. Some girls say "Let's just be friends" and things like that.

Clarence was caught off guard. He wasn't sure how to answer. -Yeah, man, she's sticking by me all right, she was here yesterday-

-Shame.

-What's a Shame?-Clarence asked.

-It's a shame I didn't see her-Anthony replied as he winked.

They both laughed and slapped hands. Then Anthony looked at his watch and headed for the door.

-I gotta go, guy, my mom will be here soon. Don't worry about your operation man, you'll be OK. They're good here. I'll see you around. Say "hello" to Sophie for me-

Clarence was on a high. Anthony had really cheered him up. The way Anthony talked about himself with case inspired him and there was much about him that reminded Clarence of how he used to be. Clarence realised that although Anthony's face had shocked him at first. He'd soon forgotten about his face and become more interested in his character and showing him around. Clarence climbed into bed smiling.

* * *

Clarence has just put on his theatre gown when Nurse Ling and two men in white coats came in pushing a theatre trolley. Nurse Ling asked Clarence to lie down on the theatre trolley, which he did in nervous silence and they were off. He lay on his back watching the ceiling above him. He knew where he was as he went down the ward but when he left the ward it was new territory. All he could see were ceilings and lights; every so often would go through rubber doors. When he looked to his left he saw white coats, when he looked to the right he saw white coats. But although he couldn't see her, Nurse Ling's voice comforted him. –It won't be long now, Clarence-and-Not far to go now-. Then the busy, draughty corridors were replaced by the calm warmth of the operating theatre.

-Here we are now, Clarence-Nurse Ling announced. Clarence could hear the people talking about him. He was being referred to as patient B503. Nurse Ling stayed by him. –We're just double checking that you are who you say you are-

-I am not a number, I am a free man-Clarence said half jokingly.

-Good morning, Clarence-It was Dr Owens leaning over him. She was now all dressed in white as far as Clarence could see and looking very much in control. –This is Mr Carr, he's our anesthetist today. He's going to help you relax-

Mr Carr took Clarence's arm and started to wipe a spot with wet cotton wool.

-Now you haven't eaten anything today, have you, Clarence?-His voice was well lived and serious.

-No-Clarence replied.

-You're just going to feel a small prick as the needle enters-Clarence felt it-And now, Clarence, will you count to ten for me?-

-One, two, three…four…five…

* * *

Clarence opened his eyes slowly. He recognised the ceiling, he was back in his room. It felt like five minutes later, but in fact it was six hours later. The operation had taken three hours and it was now 5 o'clock. He lay still. His face felt as if it had been pulled and stretched in places; it felt tight. He could feel that hands had been all over his face. His throat was dry and he felt very hungry. He began to check his limbs for feeling. Everything was coming to life, it all felt OK. He lay still for about fifteen minutes before he manoeuvred himself into his sitting position. Then he looked to the table for his mirror but it wasn't there. He rang his bell and nurses came running but he was told that he would only be given a mirror when he had seen the doctor. He had neither the strength nor the will to protest.

The doctor and Nurse Ling came soon afterwards. Dr Owens looked towards Clarence and smiled. –Well, Clarence, from a surgeon's point of view the operation went well. I'm sorry about having to remove your mirror but it's standard procedure-

As the doctor was speaking. Nurse Ling left the room and quickly returned with the mirror in her hand. Dr Owens continued. –Your face will look and feel more bruised than it was before you went into theatre but it will soon calm down-

Nurse Ling handed Clarence the mirror. He put it in his lap, and then the doctor and nurse left the room.

As soon was Clarence was alone he looked into the mirror. The doctor was right; it did look worse than before surgery. Although he had been warned not to expect miracles, he had still believed that he would look much better. He could see the outline of the grafted skin was clearly a different colour from the original skin. His face felt tight. He raised his eyebrows but instead of the usual lines, the whole area of new skin moved upwards. Martin slammed the mirror over to the table to turn on his personal stereo. His breathing quickened with anger. He put on his headphones and listened to music until he felt asleep.

* * *

Later that evening, Clarence had a visit from his parents. There was a little talk of how the operation had went. His stepfather said a little talk as usual and his mother was being her kind, caring self. After forcing yet more fruit onto the table and removing the fruit which was now decomposing, she attended unnecessarily to Clarence's bedclothes, smoothing out and tucking in bits of sheets and blankets.

As she folded the bed covers under Clarence's arms she burst into tears, crying loudly. –Oh my god. What happened to my son? What have I done, God? What's happening to us?-, her voice was loud. It went outside the room and down the ward. She flopped over Clarence's bed like a mourner over a coffin, weak and out of control.

-My beautiful son, my beautiful son. Why did happen to my son, why?

She cried and cried. Clarence's stepfather put his hand on her shoulder-Come on, Mary, calm down. We ain't done nothing wrong-

Just Alan Green entered the room. –Now Mrs Wendell, let's have you sitting down-He said, taking her by the hand and guiding her to the seat.

She continued to cry but as the minutes passed, she began to take control of herself. Alan Green soothed her with his words, and then, as he left, he put a thumb up to Clarence. Soon his mother was apologizing to him for her outburst.

-I'm sorry, son.

-Don't be worry, Mom.

-I'm showing you up.

-What, showing me up in front of Chad?

There was a laughter as Clarence went on to recall times when she had really shown him up. After Clarence's parents had left, Alan Green came back to see Clarence. He wanted to make sure that Clarence was not too affected by what had happened.

-How are you feeling?

-I'm Ok, I think.

-Why, are you not sure?

-I feel kinda Ok but, I'm wondering if my mom knows something I don't know-

-No-Alan smiling-A lot of parents act like that. Your mother also has to get used to the idea-

-But she was getting all religious and stuff, you know saw her. I ain't never seen her like that before-Clarence said.

-It's probably because she thought that the operation would put things better straight away-

-Yeah I got a bit of shock when I looked in the mirror myself-Clarence admitted.

-The way your face looks immediately after grafting is not the way it stays. Newly grafted skin needs time to take…as we call it. She just needed to cry and that's very normal-

Clarence needed these words of comfort.


	12. What The Officer Said

Five days after the operation and twenty-three days after being admitted to hospital, Clarence was ready to be discharged from Aberdale Parkside. His thigh had begun to grow new skin and his face had improved. There were no infection problems after the operation and the two newly grafted pieces of skin had begun to settle in. The burns on his hands has now healed as much as they could, the minor cuts and scratches that he had received in the crush had all gone. There wasn't any more that the hospital could do for him for a while. Once again it was the time to let the nature do it's thing. Clarence's legs felt weak, he hadn't run or gone for a long walk for over three weeks. Clarence had a daydream about doing gymnastics, going for long walks and playing football whilst in hospital.

After listening to so much music, he longed for the day to come when he could dance. But he also knew that gymnastics, football, dancing and even walking were never going to be the same again with his new face.

Clarence's parents arrived early to help him pack. The daily presents they had been bringing in, added to his friends'gifts, meant that there was quite a lot of packing to do. His mother had bought him a brand new designer outfit with a pocket specially made for a Walkman and other pockets specially made for spare tapes. Clarence put the outfit on straight away and immediately made use of the pockets. It was an extra baggy, brown, two-piece outfit that his mother described as cut curtains. But Clarence had seen a similar outfit being worn by the rapper MC Kitty Kat on the front of a music cassette and had said he wanted something like it. Fortunately for Clarence, his mother would buy almost anything to make him happy.

As they packed, Alan Green popped in to say goodbye. He gave Clarence a card with his home and hospital phone numbers on it and told them that all they were free contact him any time. The he bid them farewell and continued on his rounds.

-Come on-Said Clarence stepfather-We'll get a taxi at the hospital reception-

Clarence had never walked off the Burns Unit before. As he left the ward, other patients said goodbye or waved. Many of them had never spoken to Clarence but they had got used to seeing him on the ward. As he walked to the reception, Clarence saw a whole word of people. Some were patients; some were staff and some were visitors, and for the first time Clarence thought he was being stared at publicly.

Getting into to the taxi was a relief. It was like escaping but the summer sun was shining brightly and hurting his eyes. He has seen very little natural and light and the summer heat was something that oppressed him after three weeks in an air conditioned state. He was aware of every turn the taxi made. His ears were acutely aware of all the sounds of the street. Not once did Clarence look out of the taxi window into the street until they arrived home and even the he only gave his home a quick glance before rushing in, leaving his parents to carry all his bags.

* * *

Clarence spent the rest of the day unpacking and rearranging his room. He was pleased to be home and back in his room. Although he knew he was privileged to have his own room at the hospital, he had missed his own space.

Before going to sleep at night, Clarence had a long hard look at himself in the mirror. It was different now. Looking like he did at home was somehow different from looking like he did at the Burns Unit. He was now in familiar surroundings with an unfamiliar face.

* * *

The next morning after breakfast, Clarence dressed in his Aberdale Team football kit, was riding his mother's exercise bike when the doorbell rang. He stopped for a moment as he let the unfamiliar sound of the door bell die out and then he continued to pedal. He could hear the mumblings of a conversation but he paid it no attention until he heard his name being called.

-Clarence, Clarence, can you come down, love-His mother called-There's someone here to see you.

It was DI Byrd with a colleague. –I'm sorry for coming to see you soon after you've been discharged form the hospital but I do need to speak to you-Said DI Byrd.

He looked very formal but spoke very casually. –My superiors think I should be working harder-

-Sit down, mate-His stepfather interrupted, pointing to a chair.

-Now, Clarence, yesterday I had a talk with your friend Ryan Sumowzki. I have signed statement form him telling the story of the accident from his point of view. What I need now is your story. If you tell me what happened, my colleague Detective Hudson will do the writing. You and your parents can check it and, if you're happy, all you have to do is sign it and we can move on to the next stage.

-Ok-Clarence replied. He wasn't looking forward to this. On various occasions he had had a small flashbacks but up until now he had not to go through the whole thing on one sitting. He hadn't been expecting this. He did his best to relay what had happened that night. His parents, who were hearing the whole story for the first time, just sat and listened. Detective Hudson wrote away and DI Byrd had very little prompting to do as Clarence let the story pour out, trying hard not to omit a single thing. When all was done, DI Byrd had to pick up on one point.

-I have to ask you this straight out, Clarence. I've asked you before and now you're making your statement. I have to ask you again. It's important, so don't let your parents, don't let your friends, don't even let your enemies, put off telling the truth. Did Apache or Belson offer you any drugs?

-No-Clarence replied agitated-I told you already, no. What's the matter? Don't you believe me?-

-I believe you, mate, but I've been asked to make sure. You see we know they were stealing and dealing in drugs, and we know we have been dealing on the night of the crash but we can't find no evidence.

-Well, we had no drugs from them. Like I said in the hospital, I did see Belson threw something out of the car but I don't know what it was.

Detective Hudson read the statement out of the family and Clarence signed it whit his stepfather as witness. The hours passed and DI Byrd had not finished yet.

-At this point, Clarence, I have to officially caution you.

-For what?

-For accepting a lift in a stolen car.

-I didn't know it was stolen. I didn't steal it.

-Calm down, Clarence-His mother said firmly.-Listen to what the officer has to say-

DI Byrd continued. –You must understand, I have to do things by the book. As you said in your own words, they were joy-riding in the car before you got in it. A formal caution is just a warning to you that if it ever happens again you must ask who the car belongs to; if you're not sure, don't get in. Anyone who reads my report will see that basically you're a victim of circumstances but you must realise how close you and Ryan came to death. Belson was bad news; Graham Fisher still is bad news. This caution is just a warning…stay away from scum like that-

Clarence got the message loud and clear. He nodded a yes. DI Byrd dropped this tone. –Belson was buried last week in a council grave. No one knows where his mother is and after he was buried, we traced his father to a prison up north where he's doing a life sentence. Graham Fisher or Apache is going to jail- His voice softened even more –His parents love him, he just doesn't love himself. He's been in and out since he was thirteen-

Then DI Byrd handed Clarence another piece of paper, -Sign there, please, it just confirms the fact that you've been cautioned-

Clarence signed the caution and again his stepfather signed as witness. As the police officer left, DI Byrd told them that he hoped never to see them again to the line of duty. When the door was closed, Clarence, his mother and his stepfather hugged, all three together in the living room.


	13. A giant step

After a week at home, Clarence made a return visit to the hospital with his parents to see Dr Owens and Alan Green. Between them they had made some important decisions. They were to be no more operations. Clarence had made up his mind: he'd had all the surgery he required and he wasn't going to have repeated stays in hospital trying to achieve a perfect face. He was thankful that there wasn't any rebuilding to be done and that the newly grafted skin had began to settle in. The very rough areas were now covered with new skin and the scars where the old met the new were less prominent. But Clarence was still looking into mirrors at every opportunity, which worried Alan Green.

-Listen, Clarence-Alan said-Looking in the mirror with confidence is great, but don't spend too much time doing it. Simply treat mirrors as you did before the operation-

His mother turned to Alan with a knowing smile. –Even before the accident he spent a lot of time looking in the mirrors-

Most importantly, Clarence had decided that he was going to return to school on the first day of the new term. This was a giant step. Since the accident, Clarence had only been in two buildings, the hospital and his home. The only people that he had interacted with had been hospital staff, his parents and his closets friends. Alan Green thought it was very worthy of Clarence to want to go back to school but he was worried about him going back so soon. But Clarence was adamant; he wanted to return to school at the start of term like everyone else.

* * *

The meeting was on Wednesday. The new term was to start on Monday and on Friday, when his stepfather was at work and his mother was out visiting friends, the front doorbell rang. Clarence was lying on his bed thinking of going back to school. He tiptoed carefully into the living room to see who it was through the front window. To Clarence's astonishment it was Mr Lincoln, his form teacher. He was standing facing the door as stiffly as a soldier on a parade. Clarence wasn't sure what to do. He considered not opening the door, thinking that Mr Lincoln would come back another time when one of his parents was in, but the Mr Lincoln rang the bell again. Clarence went out and opened the door.

-Hello, Clarence, I hope you don't mind me calling. I would like a quick word if I may.

Mr Lincoln looked at Clarence straight in the eyes. His minimalist smile was as good as Clarence had ever seen it. He could also see that Mr Lincoln had come prepared.

-My mom and Chad are not in but if you only need to speak to me that's OK.

-I promise you, I'll be gone before you know it.

As they entered the living room, Mr Lincoln began to talk about the weather. Clarence noticed that he didn't ask how he was or how the holidays had gone. Eventually Mr Lincoln came to the point.

-Yesterday I had a talk with a Mr Alan Green, the Clinical Psychologist from Aberdale Parkside Hospital. He informed me that you wish to attend school on Monday. Is this correct?

-Yes.

-Are you sure that you want to do that? Do you realise that I will have had no chance to prepare the class or the school? Most of the pupils and staff have seen the story in the local papers but let's face it...-Mr Lincoln stopped suddenly, coughed and continued.-I'm sorry. Let's be realistic. I am concerned about how your fellow pupils will react to you-

-Well, Mr Lincoln, you shouldn't be afraid of using words like face…and look, I don't want any special treatment, I just want to continue my education, I don't see anything wrong with that.

-There is nothing wrong with that at all but…*Ahem*-He coughed-But we cannot control the reaction of the others-

Clarence was almost enjoying seeing Mr Lincoln struggling for words. –What should you do if you had your way?-He enquired.

-Well, we talk about your injuries in morning assembly before you arrived. We would let everyone know how impolite it is stare and we would of course inform everyone that you are still the same person-

-No way…my injuries, good manners and me are subjects that I happen to know a lot about. I can look after myself.

-Very well- Mr Lincoln spoke quietly –I'll see you on Monday then. Please don't hesitate to speak to me if you have any problems-

As they headed towards the door, Clarence said –I'm going to have to face the world soon. If I can't even face my school, then I have got problems-

* * *

As soon as the door was shut, Clarence ran to his room, grabbed his little blue book and ran back down to the phone of Sophie.

Sophie answered the phone –Hello?-

-Hi, Sophie, it's me, Clarence. Guess what? I'm going to school on Monday.

-Who said?-she asked, not hiding her surprise.

-I said. Tell Sumo and Jeff. Come and call for me on your way. We can go together it that's cool.

-Are you sure you want to go back so soon?

-What do you mean, so soon? Everyone else is going back, so I'm going back.

Sophie tried to express her concern carefully but it didn't work. –You're not everyone else. You can't just rush into things now-

Clarence raised his voice. –You're supposed to be supporting me, you should be helping me. What are friends for? I thought friends were supposed to stick together and help each other out-

-OK, OK-Sophie interrupted-I just think you should be taking it easy-

-Will you knock for me on Monday morning or not?

-Yes I'll be there. I'll be speaking to Sumo and Jeff later. See you on Monday.

* * *

After the call Clarence spent ten minutes standing by the phone. He considered ringing Sophie back and telling her not to bother coming on Monday. He wondered what it would be like walking to school. He couldn't understand why Sophie wasn't being the tower of strength that he expected her to be.


	14. New beginnings

Monday morning was bright and sunny. Clarence woke up to the smell of toast and the sound of the multitude of birds that ate, sang and danced in his back garden. Breakfast was a breakfast on school days used to be. His stepfather ate too quickly and then rushed out of the house to drive to his work whilst his mother tried to throughout breakfast to convince his stepfather to slow down. Clarence, unable to understand why anyone would want to rush to a building to assemble radiators, ate his toast and wheatflakes without taking his eyes off the magazine he was reading. When Sophie, Sumo and Jeff turned up, it was like old times. His mother kissed him on the cheek but she said nothing out of the ordinary. Clarence was also aware of how ordinarily the other three were acting, but once they came out of the side street and on to the High Street things changed.

Clarence immediately noticed people looking at him. Jeff struck up a conversation about the last day of school term before, when Sumo was licked by Chelsea. Clarence tried to involve himself but he was too busy watching people watching him. Clarence could sense how many things had changed, he realised that he was no longer leading the gang that the attention of the others was not gravitating towards him. He was not playing his usual tricks. Only halfway to school and it was the furthest Clarence had walked over for a month. He could not tell who was staring or who was simply going about their business and just looking where they were going. He couldn't help thinking that everyone had read the papers, everyone was staring. The people on the streets, the people in the shops, the people on the buses, the people in cars, all of them were looking at him.

Most of the pupils at Aberdale Middle High School had already heard about the accident from the press or their parents and friends, so when Clarence arrived at the school, most made an effort not to make him feel uncomfortable. They arrived just as the bell rang, so they went straight into morning assembly. Religious assemblies had been stopped many years before at Aberdale. Assemblies now could be anything from a poetry reading to a story with a moral, or the principal waxing lyrical about how great the school could be if they all lived in unity and stopped chewing gum in class. Today he spoke of new beginnings. The way a day breaks, the way a seed germinates, the way you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move forward. He spoke of these things with regard to the new term, and the new pupils, but Clarence couldn't help feeling that much of what he said was with him in mind.

* * *

In registration Mr Lincoln welcomed the class back and reminded them of the examination they were soon to be heaving. –I know it's been a difficult time for some of you but I hope that some thought and study has been achieved over the holiday-

Once again Clarence thought that this was said with him in mind.  _Who else have a difficult time?_ He asked himself. He for one had done absolutely no study. He had given the forthcoming examinations no thought. The class was a very different class now. Sumo and Clarence sat in their usual seats, well away from each other but there were none of the usual wisecracks from Clarence. His jokes were conspicuous by their absence and the sound of laughter and Mr Lincoln's bellowing voice was replaced by and uncharacteristic order. Everyone, even Mr Lincoln, was on their best behaviour.

* * *

Clarence's first full lesson was Science. He hated science at the best of times and for his first lesson he would have preferred something a bit less interactive, an easier lesson where he could be able to relax and observe.

Once the class had settled, Mrs Travers the science teacher announced –Today we shall be looking at why some materials dissolve in water and why others do not. First we shall be conducting some simple experiments, followed by a discussion about the results of these experiments I need to you to split up into pairs. Could you do that quietly now, please-

The sound of whispers and shuffling chairs filled the room as people tried to pair up with their friends. Clarence sat still. Neither Sumo, Sophie nor Jeff was in this lesson. Clarence knew most of the pupils but he wasn't going to go looking for a partner. For a while he sat thinking that he would be the last to pair off when he was approached by Breen. He was a thin ginger-haired boy who was known as "The Babble-mouth" because of his ability to spoke volumes of rubbish.

-Me and you, Clarence, yeah. Me and you, OK?

-Yeah, that's cool-Clarence replied, although Breen wouldn't have been Clarence's first choice for a partner.

Once the breakers, the jugs of water and the various other materials needed for the experiments were passed around, they began to follow the instructions of Mrs Travers. There were low level conversations going on between most of the pupils as tablets of salt, sugar and variety of sodiums were added to water. Breen talked trivia relentlessly.

-On the way to school this morning I saw a red Ferrari, man, big wheels, sounded like a rocket, guy. Lee Hendrie, he plays for Aston Villa, he got a red Ferrari too. I saw a black one once but they're not as good as the red ones, I don't think. If I was going to get a black car, I'd get a Porsche 911, they're good in black, but Ferraris should be red. What do you reckon?

-Yeah, you're right. Ferraris are best red-Clarence was not very enthusiastic. He did used to love red Ferraris but his love of cars had brought him enough trouble. But Breen continued.

-Yeah, man. When I get the chance, I'm going to get a red Ferrari but if I get married and my bird wants a Porsche, I'll get black one to keep her happy like, you know…girls like Porsches, I saw a wicked video last night, it was called  _Fearless Mind_. It was about a man who didn't like nobody, man. He killed thirty people in thirty minutes, but he didn't kill just one person a minute. Sometimes he killed no one for a few minute. It was good, blood everywhere. There was one bit when the star, his name was Fearless, well, he put his gun up this other man's nostril and blew his brains out-

Clarence had now heard enough. He wasn't going to create a disturbance but he felt he had to put a stop to Breen's out of control babbling.

-Listen, I don't wanna know 'bout any film. Give it a rest. Let's just do our work.

-Yeah, you're right-Breen replied-Let's work. But I'm telling you. I don't mind sitting by you and working with you, not like some people. I don't care if you look a bit poxy-

Clarence was filled with rage; his eyes watered with anger. He felt his temperature rise, as he stepped back and look Breen up and down in disgust.

-Who you calling poxy?

Breen backed off. -I know you're not poxy. I just said I don't care if you look a bit poxy-

Clarence couldn't control himself any longer. He threw a punch that connected with Breen's chin and sent him over the table they were using. The paraphernalia that was on the table flew in all directions, causing some pupils to dive for cover. Clarence wasted no time. He dived on Breen and rolling scrap ensued.

Mrs Travers screamed at the top of her voice. –Stop it at once, you two- but they continued. Eventually Mrs Travers and some of the pupils managed to get in between the tables and separate the pair.

Clarence's hand was in great pain from the first blow he threw, as was Breen's chin. There were no major injuries but both of them were soaked with water from the experiments and needed to hold apart from each other.

-I'll kill you-Clarence fumed

-I'll kill you first…no, I don't even need to kill you. You will kill yourself because you're a drug head guy and everyone knows you take drugs…you're a loser.

The veins on Clarence's neck stood out. He surged forward towards Breen kicking the tables and chairs as he went, in an amazing burst of aggression. –I'll kill you. I ain´t no drug head, you don't know anything about me. I'll tear you apart-

Clarence had found extra strength but Mrs Travers and her helpers managed to hold Clarence back. Even he realized that the rage he had unleashed was awesome.

Mrs Travers shouted at the top of her voice. –Right, Breen, go and stand outside the classroom door until I'm ready for you-

Clarence was sat down and allowed to cool.

* * *

By the time the classroom floor had been cleared and tables and chairs put back into place, the lesson was nearly over. Clarence and Breen were ordered to see the principal at lunch time and they went their ways. For Clarence's first lesson, English, he was reunited with Sumo and Jeff.

As they entered the classroom, Sumo asked Clarence, -What happened in Science, man?-

-Breen, man. That weird kid…upset me big time-

-What did he do?-Jeff asked

-I´ll tell you later-Clarence said as they went to their seats.

* * *

At lunch time, Breen and Clarence waited outside the principal's office. They were both tense…not a single word was said by either of the boys. They totally ignored each other. Then the Principal called them into his office.

-The first hour of the first morning on the new term and we have already a fight in school…we certainly cannot continue in this manner-he told the boys as the both gazed towards their shoes-So what happened?-

Breen told his side of the story in roundabout way and Clarence told his. Both were accurate accounts of the event from their own points of view. The principal walked over to the boys and stood at arm's length in front of them. –Now, Breen, you and everyone else have to understand that Clarence has no disease and no one in school or out of school has ever found Clarence carrying drugs. If that rumor is going around the school it must stop-

He looked towards Clarence –And you, Clarence, you have to control your temper. People may say all kinds of things. People will react to you in different ways but you cannot go hitting everyone who upsets you. Mr Green from the hospital and Mr Lincoln your from teacher have told you and now I´m telling you. If you need help come to one of us-

-But mister…-Clarence protested –It's not me that needs help, it´s him and his big mouth. He needs help-

-Clarence-The Principal interrupted-under the circumstances I'm going let you off. We just call it a misunderstanding, shall we?-

-Yes mister-Breen replied

-Yes mister-Said Clarence

-But don't let happen it again. I don't want to see you either in my office for the rest of the term. Now shake hands and go to lunch.

Clarence and Breen shook their hands slowly and cautiously, without looking directly at each other or saying a word.

* * *

In the dining hall, Clarence still felt staring eyes upon him. He sat in safe company of Sumo, Jeff and Sophie and outside in the playground he stay with them. Most of the pupils were polite and were trying to show Clarence that they were still his friends.

Some were just too polite. Either way Clarence was very aware that he was being treated differently. He survived the rest of the day by getting on with his work and trying to ignore the sights and sounds around him. It was a long day.

As he was leaving school that afternoon with Sumo, Jeff and Sophie, Sophie asked him what had happened in the Science lesson. Clarence told them the story. All three were surprised.

-I've never seen you have scrap-Sophie said.

-Well, you´ve never seen me stuck with Breen-Clarence replied

As they walked down the street, Clarence was approached by a girl. He had seen her a couple of times before in school but he had never spoken to her.

-Hello, Clarence-she said-I Just wanted to give you this-

She handed him an envelope and walked away. Clarence could see it was a card and so could Sophie.

-Aren't you going to open it then?-Sophie said suspiciously.

-Later-Clarence put it in the inside pocket of his jacket and his friends walked with him to his house before going their separate ways.

* * *

When Clarence arrived home he opened the envelope in his bedroom. Without even opening the card to see the name of the girl, he threw the card in the trash in a moment of hurt and anguish and shouted –I´m not ill…I'm not bloody ill- The front of the card said  _"Get Well Soon"_.


	15. A voice of reason

One day at school had taught Clarence a lot. That evening he listened to no music, and he spent no time looking at comics. Instead he spent the whole evening in his room in quiet contemplation. He was looking at  _himself_ in before and after terms. Even since he had first woken up in hospital after the accident, he had begun to listen to a voice of reason in his head. It was an honest voice, a voice that had nothing to gain by taking sides. Back then it had started as a whisper but now the voice was loud.

Knowing that he had hundreds of days left to attend school, he began his meditation by asking himself one question.  _How can I Improve on today?_ He considered the Breen affair and promised himself not to lose his temper if he ever got into similar situation. He thought about the principal had said in morning assembly and what Mr Lincoln had said in registration, then he promised himself that he wouldn't read too much into people's words. He thought,  _maybe they weren't talking about me_. And  _maybe,_ he thought,  _all those people in the streets and their cars, and on the buses, maybe they weren't all looking at me._ He walked over to the full-length mirror on his wardrobe and looked at himself.  _So what if they_ **were** _looking at me?_ He asked himself.  _Two months ago, if I'd seen me looking like I look now; I would have had a good look. Be honest, Mr Clarence Wendell, you would have probably made some remarks, or even cracked a joke with your friends._

* * *

The next day Clarence went back to school with a sense of purpose. At lunch time he found the girl who had given him the "get well" card and told her as she was eating -I'm sure you didn't wan to offend me, so thanks for the card but you should know that I am well-

-I'm sorry-she said-I read about you in the newspapers, I really felt for you-

-Ok. I just want you to know that I'm not sick.

-Point taken. I'm sorry. Are we friends?-she enquired.

-Yeah, friends are cool.

He choose not to speak to Breen but he also decided not to make him an enemy. Rumors were continuing to spread about the role of drugs in the accident but Clarence displayed a positive attitude and carried on regardless.

* * *

The days felt much longer than they used to. Clarence continued the hours and the lessons as they was less self-conscious about his face but he made sure it wasn't going to stop him doing what he wanted to do, including his favourite pastime at school-gymanstics (?). He hardly felt any pain now. Most of the time he was only reminded of his new face when he touched it or when others stared.

On Thursday the school was talking about him for something completely different. That morning he took year 10 by storm with a stunning gymnastics display, first on the trampoline and then on the floor mat, his speciality. Some of the old fun-loving Clarence appeared when, at the end of a fantastic floor mat routine, he entertained the crowd with a mixture of comical dance and gymnastics. Clarence left school that day high-spirited. When he told his parents about his display that evening, they began to feel that Clarence was quickly and happily adjusting to his life in school.

* * *

Friday morning went well for Clarence. He was beginning to enjoy lessons like never before. Teachers and many kind of his fellow pupils could see that he was now keen to learn. He was showing a genuine interest in subjects and although he was not the prankster he used to be was beginning to relax.

At lunch time, Clarence made his way to the dinning room and collected his meal. After picking up his drink, he looked for his friends but Sophie was sitting with a group of her friends. She waved to him but he could see that there was no room there. Certainly there was no room for a boy. On the other side of the hall he could see Sumo and Jeff. He began to walk in their direction but as he reached them he could see there were no free seats there either.

-Where you have been?-Jeff asked

-I have to go and check something out in the library-Clarence replied

Jeff looked around and, seeing spare seats everywhere, said, -Well, we´re almost finished. Find a seat somewhere and we´ll see you afterwards-

Clarence looked around. He saw a group of boys and girls from his class sitting close, so he went over and sat down. –All right-Clarence said to them as he sat down.

There was a collective "All right" from everyone on the table and they continued to eat. All seemed to be going well until Beth, the girl sitting opposite him, threw down her knife and fork and exclaimed –Why did you sit down here?-

Clarence's response was quick –Because it's a seat and I wanna eat me dinner. This is the dinning hall, isn't it? What's your problem?-

-You're my problem-she replied.-you're putting me off my food-

Clarence could feel his temperature rising but the voice in his head reminded him of his promise to stay cool instead of all out of war, Clarence began a war of words with her.

-You put lots of people off their food with your smelly breath but we've all got to eat to live.

-Why don't sit you with your friends? They're used to you.

-Why don't you sit on your own?-Clarence replied with a grin.

-I was here before you. Look, there's lots of empty seats. Why you did come to spoil my dinner?

-I can sit anywhere I want. Ain't no rules about where people sit as long as it's on a chair with a table in front of it. So if you've got a problem, go and get advice…I'm not moving.

Beth picked up her tray and stood up –I was going anyway. I don't have to sit here and let you talk to me like that-She walked off, emptied her tray and left the hall.

Clarence didn't eat much. He remembered promising himself not to lose his temper in times like these, but he was really upset by what had just happened. Only scraping plates and chewing of gum could be heard. Nobody knew what to say.

After the meal, outside in the playground, Clarence was approached by Malesica. –Can I have a word with you, Clarence?-she asked.

-Yeah, but I'm warning you, if you want to go raving tomorrow night…I'm busy…I'm washing me hair.

Malesica smiled. –Oh, what a shame. Serioulsy now…I just wanted to say that Beth didn't really mean what she said earlier. She asked me to say sorry for her-

Clarence was not convinced –If she's that sorry, why didn't she say sorry herself?-

-She's not very good at talking, so she sent me.

-She had a lots of mouth in the dinner hall-Clarence said-she's what I call a facialist. She's dealing in facial discrimination-

-Well she told me that she has nothing against you personally and that she justs gets put off her food easily.

-And what do you think about that, Malesica?

-I think she's being stupid-Malesica replied-but that's the way she is. I'm always telling her how silly she can be-

-Well, you tell her some more-Clarence said as he walked away-tell her I said she's a facialist and if she's got anything else she wants to tell me…tell her to tell me herself. By the way, I'm sorry about tomorrow night…maybe some other time-

For the rest of the day, every time Beth saw Clarence, she hid herself of turned around and went another way.

* * *

The next day was trouble-free, a day of Maths, History, Geography and Biology. It was Friday and Clarence had had a week of ups and downs. He was very much looking forward to the weekend. At the end of the day, the Gang of Three and Sophie met at the school gate and began to make their way to Clarence's home. The other three felt protective towards Clarence and although it was never planned, each one of the term was to make sure he got home all right. Clarence was aware of his trend and he easily guessed why they escorted him every afternoon. He also realized that walking home alone on those first few days would have been very different without them.

As they walked down the street, Sophie made and announcement. –Right, you three-she said stopping suddenly and taking the gang by surprise-I've got something to tell you-

-I know what it is-Clarence said jokingly-you're gonna buy us all a present for being your friends-

-No-Sophie replied laughing.

Sumo thought that he should have a go. –I know you're…you're…you're gonna be rich-

-No, almost.

-Come on-Clarence insisted-tell us-

-Well-Sophie said-do you remember that hair shampoo commercial that I had done?-

The boys all nooded frantically.

-The company that I did the commercial for want me to do another one. I am playing the same person just a bit older. Do you know what that means?

Jeff tried to be funny -Yes, it means you're playing the same person…just a bit older-

Sophie was almost jumping with excitement. -Yes, but what's more important is that if they want me to play the same person that's a bit older, then they'll probably want me to do it again and again and again. I'll become known as the  _Nulocks Girl_.

-So you  _will_  become rich-Sumo interrupted

-Maybe, I don't know. The money goes into a trust and I get it when I am eighteen or something like that.

Jeff and Sumo congratulated her. Clarence wasn't so sure. –Do you really want to be known as the  _Nulocks girl_?

-That will only be for a time-Sophie replied-the agent said that the main thing is that it's just a high profile commercial, shown all over the world, and it'll get me even better work in the future-

-I suppouse that's not bad-Clarence replied half-heartedly-the problem is, I've heard of a thing called typecasting. It's where you get known for only one type of thing and no one wants you to work for them unless you're doing that one thing-

-Now look who's not beginning supportive!-Sophie snapped-what did you say friends were for again? You know this is a good chance for me and all you can do is criticize. Stop thinking about yourself once, Clarence. Why don't you try whishing me good luck?-

-I do wish you good luck but I'm just trying to warn you about business.

-What do you know about business? You don't know anything-she said angrily. She took a breath and conjucted-I'm young, so as long as I don't do too much of one thing I'll have time to change. That's what my agent said and she should know.

-Yeah, she should know-Jeff interjected in an effort to calm things down.

-That's right-Sophie agreed.

-Forget it. Just make sure that you remember us when you're rich and famous-Sumo added as they continued they journey home.

* * *

After their evening meal, Clarence's parents asked him how his week had been. He told them about the fight with Breen, only to discover that they already knew about it. At this point Clarence realized that during the week, many eyes had been watching him.

-I've been speaking to the director-his step-dad said-he told me that if you need some more time off, you should take it-

-I'm Ok-Clarence replied-I'm not ill, my brain's working Ok and I can hold a pen in my hand and write. So I don't see no reason why I should not go to school-

As Clarence step-dad was leaving the dinner table he placed his hand on Clarence's head and asked –What are you doing over the weekend, buddy?-

Clarence stood up and replied -homework- and then he went to his room.


	16. Problem With The Unity

Clarence learnt quickly to take every day as it came and never to expect one day to be the same as the last. His fellow pupils could be unpredictable: some would want to show how good they were by being seen with him, other would use him as the butt of their jokes or avoid contact with him. Some kids could be both caring and uncaring according to their mood, or whose company they were in. He was beginning to choose his friends according to the respect they had for him. He hated pitied and he hated begin given special treatment. He learnt how to look into the eyes of others and measure their sincerity.

October became very rainy. It put a stop to much of the school's outdoor activities but the rain was much needed after the dry, hot summer. There was a lot of talk in the school about Sophie's new commercial. She was becoming a minor celebrity. When Clarence saw the commercial, he realised why everyone was talking about it so much. It started with Sophie washing her hair, with an extra large bottle of Nulocks Shampoo in the foreground. Then a shot of her drying her hair, followed by quick flashes of her meeting a friend in a bus station. As they jumped on the bus, the camera focused her bouncy, flowing hair. Then there was a other girl's hair began to look tired but Sophie's hair, washed with new improved Nulocks, still look 'Freshy and Bouncy', as the voice-over said.

Clarence thought the commercial was good and that it was sure to help Sophie's future career in acting or modeling. But seeing her as the centre of attention in the commercial and knowing how popular she had now become in school highlighted the change in their relationship. They still talked, they still spent time together, but that time is always in the company of others. They had not kissed since the night of the accident. It wasn't every afternoon now that Sophie walked Clarence home with Jeff and Sumo, and she never walked him home alone. In fact, all four of them would sometimes go their separate ways at the school gate.

Clarence has the confidence now to walk home on his own. Walking home via the same route at the same time meant that he would usually be seen by some people. It didn't take long for most people to get used to seeing him. It was the same mornings on the way to school. These were becoming Clarence's safe zones.

Clarence also began to wonder about his relationship with Jeff and Sumo. He didn't doubt that they were still friends. He knew that he was no longer the 'main man' but he was conscious of other changes. There was a time when Sumo wanted to be with Clarence every opportunity –this wasn't so now. He begin to hang out with a couple of other guys. It was as if he was making a new gang, with himself as the leader. Jeff was different, he still spent some time with Clarence but he now preferred to be alone. Clarence thought maybe Jeff was using the circumstances to take a step back and become himself. He just hoped that Jeff would be there if he needed him.

* * *

On a wet Friday afternoon after school, Sophie and the Gang of Three were standing at the school gate talking to friends. Clarence thought it was a good time to suggest something that he had been thinking about for a while. -Hey, let's go out somewhere together this weekend.

There was a moment's silence, as if they were all little surprised by Clarence's suggestion. He had shown no real matters in going out since returning to school and none of them had given the idea any thought.

Sophie was the first to respond. -I got drama school tomorrow and dance class after on Sunday, I won't have any time this weekend.

Sumo's response was unconvincing -I'm not sure. Where we going to do? What are we going to do? I just want to stay in and watch some movies.

Jeff's response was the only positive and even that was conditional -I'll go out but I'm not going to one of those rave or rap places.

-That's cool, man; we'll just go out, walk around East Street or something. Check me at my home around seven.

* * *

At seven o' clock the next evening, Jeff arrived at Clarence's house. As he went to press the bell, the door opened. It was Clarence's stepfather.

-Ssh, be quiet-Clarence's stepfather whispered. Jeff couldn't work out what was happening as Chad pushed him outside and close the door gently behind them both-I wanna word with you…now, you know the phone number here, don't you?-

-Yes, Chad-Jeff replied.

-Well, you look after Clarence, it's his first night out. If there's any trouble, give me a ring straight away…I'm sure he can look after himself, but if there's a problem ring me…all right?-he said, trying hard to keep his voice down.

When they entered to the house, Clarence's stepfather rang the bell to make Clarence think Jeff had just arrived, then he shouted from the corridor, -Clarence, are you ready? Jeff's here.

Clarence ran to the living room, heavy-footed and ready to go. Tonight he was wearing his dark green jacket and blue baseball cap with his white trainers. Without giving Jeff a chance to settle down, he shouted, -We're off, Mom, see you later. Bye, Chad.

Jeff bid Mary and Chad goodbye and they headed down the street. There was a spring in Clarence's step. Before Jeff had arrived, just thinking about going out into the night made him nervous. Now he wasn't worrying, he was just happy to be out an about. He would have like to have been with the whole gang, including Sophie, but he still appreciated Jeff's company.

* * *

At eight o' clock in the evening High Street North was very different. All the school children were missing, the sweet shops were shut and the familiar faces had all gone. The restaurants, bars and amusement arcades had now come to life. For a while Clarence became self-conscious again but he quickly realised that everyone was too busy doing their own thing to notice him.

-Where shall we go?-he asked Jeff-you said no raves and no rap, so that doesn't leave much, does it?-

-I have an idea-said Jeff-ler's go the Unity-

-Are you kidding, guy, the Unity, table tennis and bingo, come on, man…things aren't that bad.

-Well, what do you suggest?-Jeff replied.

-I don't know but there's got to be somewhere better than that.

-Name it.

-I don't know what scenes are happening.

-All the happening scenes are full of drugs and losers. When I go out nowadays, all I wanna do is get home safely…and getting home safely usually depends on where you go…so I've got no problem with the Unity.

-I suppose you're right and I suppose I should know better, Ok, to the Unity we go.

* * *

On the way to the Unity, Clarence began to confide in Jeff. -I'll tell you something, mate, just because this happened to me I won't let it hold me back. I'm not going to sit at home feeling sorry for myself, I'm going to go out and get some.

-Yeah-Jeff replied-but what you gonna get some of? Do you wanna get some of those fast cars?-

Clarence stopped walking. Jeff stopped a step ahead of him. -What are you trying to say, Jeff, man? Don't you think I've learnt anything lately? Or are you just trying to upset me or something?

-Why I would want to upset you? I just think cars are trouble. And most of that music you listen to is all about guns and drugs and girls.

Clarence was quick to defend. -Cars are OK, it's people who are crazy, and not all rap music is bad. I like it for the beat, man, the grooves. You know I never used to like rap music but it's cool to dance to. I don't listen to all stuff about guns and drugs. The stuff about girls is cool. I got no problem with that. It's just fun, man, don't tell me girls are out of fashion!

They both continued to walk as Jeff spoke. -No, but you know what I mean, it's all about lust and not about love.

Clarence's mood changed and he laughed as he said -What are you saying, man? What have you been reading? We ain't supposed to fall in love until we're twenty-one or something like that. Love is something you fall into when you gotta job.

Jeff stopped laughing. -Do you seriously mean that?

-No-Clarence began to cool down-I don't really mean it, but you sound so serious about it. Love is ok but lust is fun-

-Isn't lust sin? Anyway, what are you dealing with? Do you love Sophie or do you lust her?-Jeff enquired.

Clarence stopped laughing. -Good question. Well, you see, it's a bit of both, it's half love and half lust and if we go out together for a long time, the half lust will grow into love, that's when we'll do the marriage and baby thing.

For a few yards there was silence. What Clarence had said had got Jeff thinking and Clarence was also thinking about what he had just said. Clarence began to get even more personal.

-Tell me the truth now, Jeff. Do you think Sophie still loves me?

-Of course she does-Jeff replied.

-Do girls lust?-Clarence asked.

-I've heard that they do at certain times of the year…I think there is a season when they get all hot and passionate or something?

-Well, do you think she loves me or anything like that?

-I'm not too sure what you mean by anything like that, and from what you've just said we're all too young to know what love is.

But Clarence came again with more questions. -Do you think she's gone off me since the accident? Has she said anything to you about me?

Jeff could see that deep down Clarence was desperate for the truth. -I don't know if she's gone off you or not…I don't think so…but I don't know. And she hasn't anything to me. When she talks to me about you it's always about making sure you're ok, making sure you get home ok and making sure you're stay out of trouble.

-So-Clarence replied as if slightly surprised-she cares about me-

* * *

They reached the Unity club to find about fifteen kids there. Two games of table tennis were being too played. A small group of boys were playing computer chess with the priest. There were the good kids of the neighborhood, all dressed sensibly and or their best behavior.

The priest waved and shouted –Hello, Clarence. Nice to see you. Hi Jeff.

Jeff waved and Clarence nooded his head to response. They watched the boys playing computerized football. Some of the younger kids stared at Clarence out of curiosity but they were quietly told off by their older friends. Clarence could hear the whispered telling offs as he explored the various corners of the club.

He hated it. After twenty minutes he told Jeff how much he hated it. -Look, man, we got to go, I hate it here. Lying in a hospital bed is more exciting. Let's go.

-Where?-Jeff asked.

-Anywhere. I'd rather just walk the streets than stay here.

-OK-Jeff said-let's go-

As they reached the door, the priest jumped up from his seat and ran over to them. Clarence had always found him funny with his posh accent and his out of date sense of fashion. Tonight he was dressed in jeans, a tweed jacket and a white shirt with his church collar on top of it.

-Clarence, my dear friend-he said-it's good to see you, Aren't you going to staying?-

-No, I ain't-Clarence replied-I promised my parents I'd be home early tonight-

-I understand. I've been seeing quite a lot of Jeff lately, haven't I, Jeff?.

-Yes-Jeff said reluctantly.

Clarence shifted his eyes towards Jeff in surprise.

-Jeff knows he's welcome to come here any time…so are you. Our doors are open to anyone regardless of race…or disability.

Clarence's heart raced. He breathed deeply in order to control his temper. He felt sweat breaking out in his palms and warm a glow around him as if his blood was warming. Once again he felt like lashing out; he didn't care if the man was a priest, he wanted to punch him. But the voice in his head said,  _No, just talk to him._

-Listen to me, man. You think you're perfect, you may think you know everything and that you're going to Heaven but let me tell ya something. I ain't disabled.

The priest tried to interrupt. -I didn't say you were disabled. I just said all are welcome regardless of race or…

Clarence came back, -Disability. You've never mentioned age or race to me, before. Why you quoting your equal opportunity stuff to me now; I've been coming to this place a long time before you.

-Calm down now, Clarence-the priest held his hands out and waved them soothingly-calm down-

-I am calm. Let me explain something to you. Anything I could do before I can do now. There are some things I can do better now, like spotting the patroniser. I was in here two months ago, now I'm only two months older now, and I am the same race and I have the same abilities. Goodnight, Mister…Reverend…

Clarence turned and walked away at speed, Jeff was stunned by Clarence's performance. For a moment he watched Clarence walking down the road, then he looked at the priest, who was also in a state of shock watching Clarence.

-I've got to go-Jeff said and he ran to join Clarence. When Jeff had caught up with him he was out of breath-hey, Clarence, that was amazing, man. I like you the way you just come out with the truth, man-

Clarence replied on the move with his tongue firmly in check. -This is part of my role life…you see, some people may think I've got some disease that they can catch, or that the way I look makes me disabled, so I have to tell people to look beneath my face and see me, the real me. This is deep.

* * *

They walked back to Clarence's house at a leisurely pace. Clarence asked Jeff why he had been spending so much time at the Unity and how he put up with their lack of activities, Jeff agreed that the club wasn't the liveliest of places but he insisted that it was safe and there was never any trouble there.

Clarence went to bed contented that night. The idea that he might be seen as disabled angered him greatly, but recalling the priest's response, or lack of response to his outburst, amused him. He also realised that living whit his new looks could well mean that he had to become an educator.  _It isn't just about me and how I cope with it, it's me learning to deal with people's prejudices_ , he thought.


	17. The Call Of Duty

Clarence spent Sunday lazing around the house listening to music and trying to convince his stepfather that buying him a pair of trainers that cost 100 U$$ was a good investment. His stepfather spent Sunday telling Clarence to leave him alone and Mrs Wendell tried hard to keep the peace. It was very much like old times.

Clarence woke up early on Monday morning. He made his own breakfast of cereal and milk before heading off to school.

As he approached the school he saw Jeff waiting. On seeing Clarence, Jeff began to walk towards him. Clarence could sense that something wasn't right.

-Hi, man. What's up?-Clarence asked,

-Have you seen the local newspaper?

-You know I don't read the papers-Clarence replied. Jeff pulled a newspaper from out a bag he had over his shoulder- _Aberdale news_ , guy, front page, Look-

Jeff held the front page up for Clarence to see and Clarence read it out loud.  **'Drug Crazed Car Thief Goes To Jail'** Clarence grabbed the paper from Jeff and began to read the report.

' _A nineteen year-old man appeared before Aberdale Justice Court on Monday on eight counts of taking motor vehicles without their owners permission and four charges of supplying heroin. Graham Fisher, who was known to his accurate as The Apache, was described by Judge Cole as a mindless, selfish beast who had no regard for the rule of law and therefore had to be removed from the free world for the protection of upright citizens._

_The court heard how in August, Fisher and Belson Noles (17), stole a Ford Escort from Katherine Road in East Street and picked two younger boys on the Main Street. They were later spotted by a police patrol car travelling at 100 mph. the police gave chase at high speed, resulting in crash at the junction of Green Street. Belson Noles was announced dead at the scene of the crash. Ryan Sumowzki (15) and Graham Fisher both received minor injuries but Clarence Wendell (15) was so badly burnt that he was hospitalised and had to undergo plastic sugery. The court heard that Clarence Wendell and his school friend Ryan Sumowzki were unaware that the car was stolen and believed they were receiving a lift home. But Graham Fisher, who had earlier used a large amount of heroin, instead went on a high speed through the city. After the arrest of Fisher, it was discovered that both he and Noles were members of a gang known as The Raiders Posse._

_Various other members of the gang have since been arrested and charged with drug and firearms offences. Sentencing Fisher to three years imprisonment for car theft, Judge Cole said that young people must learn that they cannot simply take what is not theirs without suffering the consequences of the law._

_Fisher broke down in court and cried when the judge sentence him to a further three years imprisonment for the possession of, and supplying, drugs. The sentences are to run consecutively'_

Clarence stopped reading and looked towards Jeff. -What's consecutive mean?

-It means that when one sentence finishes, the other starts. Really he got six years. Did you read all of it?

-No.

-Read on.

Clarence continued to read.

_'_ _The judge ordered that Fisher stay in prison for the full sentence with no chance of remission of parole. He went on to say that the sentence was a light one. Given that someone was killed and another young boy was scarred for life, he said that Fisher should count himself lucky he wasn't facing manslaughter charge'_

_-_ Wow, heavy stuff man-Clarence handed the paper back to Jeff. His eyes looked glazed as he stared into nothingness-six years to the day, supplying heroin-

-It could have been manslaughter, guy-Jeff answered-anyway, man, everyone's talking about it-

* * *

In assembly that morning, the principal gave another lecture. This time it was about the youth of today being the leaders of tomorrow.

-If the young people of our nation do not have self-control and consideration for others, we face a future of anarchy-he said-we must not live in the past but we must learn form out experiences, recognize our responsibilities and learn to say no when temptation comes our way-

Mr Lincoln stood at the side of the hall nooding like a toy dog. Clarence knew that the principal had also been reading the local papers and he had expected him to use the case as the basis of his talk but he hated the fact that everyone's eyes turned towards him. Sumo went unnoticed because he had no visible scars, but Clarence had no choice in the matter. He represented the living and the dead because he was the most visible.

* * *

It was a very bad start a day that second to drag on for ages. At lunch time, Clarence ate alone, as Sumo was busy impressing his new friends. Sophie ate with her friends and Jeff was nowhere to be seen. When it was time to go home it was much the same. Clarence felt betrayed, this was the time when he needed moral support and there was no one there. He convinced himself that it wasn't because they were no longer his friends, but because they were all just too busy. As he began to make his way home, he heard someone calling him.

-Wendell, Wendell!

Clarence turned back to see Mrs. Heavens the PE teacher running towards him. Mrs. Heavens couldn't be anything else but a PE teacher. She was over six foot and dressed in a tracksuit.

-I've been looking for you, Wendell. I want to say you something-She said looking down on Clarence.

-Me?

-Yes, you, sir. I have been asked to put a gymnastics team together for a local competition at the Aberdale Sports Centre next month, so I need to ask you two favours.

-Me?

-Yes, you, sir.

-What?-Clarence was genuinely puzzled.

-I want you to be in the team.

-Oh, yes-Clarence said excitedly-I'll do some moves…but what else do you want?-Clarence excitement changed to disbelief-What me? Why me?-

Mrs. Heavens poked Clarence shoulder with a sharp finger. -Because, you, Mr Clarence Wendell, are the best gymnast we have in the school... because you, Mr Clarence Wendell, have leadership qualities and because you, Mr Clarence Wendell, have earn it.

-Me?-Clarence was seriously happy. He produced a big smile-Me, honest, teacher?-

-Yes, yes, yes, you, sir. Honest, sir.

-It's a deal-Clarence put his hand out for the shake and Mrs. Heavens did the same. They shook hands frantically and said their goodbyes. Clarence then ran home at full speed. Happiness radiated from him.

* * *

When he arrived home, his mother was preparing a meal. He ran up to her and kissed her on both cheeks.

-Guess what, mom. I'm the chosen one. I'm the main man. I'm the captain.

-Calm down, Clarence-his mother couldn't understand a word-what have you won?-

-I haven't won anything really, not yet anyway, but I'm the captain. I'm the captain of the gymnastics team.

-Oh, well done-his mother replied-does it mean you get paid them?-

-No, mom. It's means that I'm the leader. I have to set an example, you know. I means that I'm…it means I'm the main man.

His mother put her arm around his shoulder and hugged him. -I know that it means, silly. I was just pulling your gymnastic leg. Well done, lad.

When his stepfather arrived home, Clarence ran from his room to tell him. As always, his stepfather showed a little emotion.

-That's good, buddy-he said, patting him on his head-Gymnastics, is that like ballet?-


End file.
